Scum

So it's been a while.... but here's a short story.

This past Friday evening, I went out with some friends to a  fine "Chinese" establishment (sarcasm) in the Northern Virginia area for some beers. While we were out and about, this VERY tall guy was standing next to me at the bar trying to order some drinks. As he was waiting, we started chatting and flirting and he seemed like a fairly nice, fun guy. After a little while, he asked for my number and I was like "Sure," and why the hell not? Let's see what happens. Well, fail number one: when he went to pull his phone out of his pocket, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter also fell out. Ew ew ew; no smoking, please. After he (I) put my number in his phone, I was beginning to realize how drunk this guy was; his speech was slightly slurred, wasn't making much sense and couldn't operate his phone. I realized that this wasn't going much further.

We continued talking/flirting and he put his hand out to see how it compared in size to mine; his were HUGE and mine seemed like the size of a 3 year-old's. It was actually kind of a turn off how tall he was because I myself am just barely 5'4" and he was literally a skyscraper in comparison. Anyways, when we were comparing hands, that is also when I noticed he had on a WEDDING RING. I don't know what possessed him, but he took off his ring and put it on my left ring finger, and held my hand up in the air. I proceeded to take it off and said "So, you're married?" and he said "Yes." I then proceeded to ask "So where is your wife, then?" in which he responded "Oh she's coming later. She's 1-1/2 months pregnant."

EXCUSE ME? What the HELL are you doing out at a bar, hitting on girls, getting their numbers, taking off your wedding ring and then proceeding to put it on these other girls' fingers while your PREGNANT WIFE is off on her own somewhere and completely unaware of your behavior? I understand "nights off" and going out with your friends and doing your own thing away from your spouse; breaks can be good, but hitting on girls when you're married and acting like this? This is unacceptable and speaks volumes about your character, or lack there of.

The next thing I know, his friend, who is about 4 feet away, says "Hey can I get a picture of you two?" I firmly say "NO" and proceed to turn around so my face is away from the camera. Both guys still try to get me to take a photo and I continue to say "Hell no, I'm not taking a photo with you." I realize this was some game they were playing and I wasn't going to have any part of it. Then, this guy tries to apologize, in which I say "If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done this in the first place." If he knows what he did was wrong, then he shouldn't have done so to begin with knowing it's not appropriate behavior. I proceed to ignore him and get back to talking with my friends.

Unbelievable.

Updates

Several people have asked me what happened to this blog in the past 2 months.

Fine, here's an update.

"Tom" and I still keep in touch. I figure if he wants to see me or talk to me, he has my number and knows how to get in touch. However, I have come to the realization (honestly, although I want to deny it sometimes) that its not going to go anywhere between us. We're in two different places in our lives and want different things. Friendly is going to be where it stays.

Other than that, there has been nothing. I haven't met anyone since giving up online dating, and this is how it works in the real world. I don't have dates every couple of days or every week, and although I do get out there and very frequently, meeting people on your own is a lot harder. So because of that, there are long, LONG, LONG, periods of time where I don't meet anyone. Sorry, just how the game goes. 

In addition, I just don't have the desire to put forth any effort towards someone. Call me jaded, but I've gotten tired of it all and really don't see the point of putting in effort towards a situation that won't go anywhere. I'm exhausted and really don't want to focus any of my time or attention to dating since it doesn't ever seem to end well. 

However, they always say it finds you when you stop looking.

Two different situations. I'll share one here and do another post later. 

I went out for my friend's birthday to a local bar and had myself a pretty good time. It wasn't too crowded so we were all able to mingle and get to know one another. A few drinks later, I found myself chatting it up with this guy at the end of the night. He seemed nice, but I wasn't really 100% drawn to him. As we were heading out, he asked for my number, and I obliged, after he asked me about five times. As we are exchanging numbers, I asked what his name is, and then I asked again, and again, and again. I could not for the life of me remember his name until I went to enter it into my phone. We said goodbye and parted ways. 

The next day, I was looking at my call-log and noticed a missed call from "Aaron" from the night before when we exchanged numbers. I was like "Huh? Oh yea, that guy. Ehhhhhhhh." He just became an afterthought and that was about it. 

The day after that, I was snoooozing away in an afternoon nap when my phone started ringing. It was "Aaron." I was completely shocked while also being half asleep. After I finished my nap, I called my girlfriend to get the 411 on this guy since we had only spoken briefly and I wasn't in a state to really remember anything substantial, not even his name for Pete's sake (if only he were named Pete). I met up with my girlfriend to debrief and found not much other than his age, he has a job, and that he's nice. 

Well I've got news for you; everyone is nice. A few hours later, I suppose his buddy told him I was asking about him, so he texted me. We exchanged a few, and then after I left my friend's place, I gave him a call. Annnnnnnd that's where things were a little different. After only speaking for about 5-10 minutes I realized that this was not the guy for me. Although I really appreciate that he called me first rather than texting, big points in my book (or blog), he sounded like one of the dumbest people ever. Our conversation was lack luster and there was nothing substantial to it. He was talking about the most random things, probably because he was nervous, but still, it was going nowhere. I held out for a little longer until I reached my apartment and said I was going to lose service. So, I said I'd call him back. 

I wish I hadn't. It was another 30 minutes of lack luster conversation that wasn't leading to anything. I finally said "Ok, I have to get going so I can get ready for my week and for bed" (it being a Sunday and all). He said "Ok, call me any time you want." We said "Bye" and that was the end of it. 

Call him any time I want? Buddy, I don't want to call you, I want to see where this goes and actually meet up in person. If you want to talk to girls on the phone, there's plenty of other numbers that provides that service. 

After not being impressed, I decided I didn't want to pursue this any further. He, of course, felt otherwise. The next day he texted me, then called me, and then texted me saying he was going to bed soon. However, I was busy having dinner with an old friend and catching up after too many months passing. The next day, he texted again, 3-4 separate times, and the final text saying to call him that night because he "needs to ask me something." I had enough, and replied back by saying sorry, but I am not interested. It was nice to meet him, and best of luck.

So far..... I haven't heard anything. Terrific. 

It did, however, remind me of the times that I put forth effort into someone and the feelings weren't being reciprocated. Instead of ignoring him and having him continue to contact me, I just decided to nip it right then and there and just tell him how I feel. I felt as if I was polite about it and he got an answer, and we can both move on. If only it could go like this every time.... but it doesn't. And that's when I get to blog about it. 

Stay tuned..... 

December

I know, I know, I know. 

My posts have been far and few between in the past few months.

Mostly cause, well, there's very little to write about. 

So, here's an attempt at catching up. 

I do have a date coming up next week. He's one of the guys I have been talking to that I mentioned last week. I'm kind of excited, but I am not having high hopes since there is some distance between us. However, he seems like a fun guy (fungi! I wonder if he's a cremini) and outgoing. I'll give it a shot, but have my guard up about the whole thing. 

As for the other dude I was talking to, it went something like this:

He asked if I wanted to get drinks this past weekend. I said yes and that any day would work.

Well, prior to that, he asked me a question which might be my biggest pet peeve of online dating.

"So, have you gone out on a lot of dates with guys from this site?" 

Buddy, it is NONE of your business how many guys I've gone on dates with from online dating. I'm not going to tell you, "Oh yea, I go out on lots of dates. I've even started a blog about it! If you're lucky, you'll make it on there!" Well, he got lucky cause he's now on here, but not in a good way. 

So then I didn't hear from him after he asked about drinks. I decided to send him my number. This is the text convo we had:

"Hey sorry things been hectic. This is "Aaron" from [online dating site]. So I want be honest I kind of started talking to someone and want to see where it goes." 

Talking.... not seeing? You've been TALKING to this girl who has blown you away so much that you are blowing me off for drinks? Right. 

My reply: "Well, best of luck to you then"

HIS REPLY: "Thanks. if want talk maybe hang out as friends would still be cool talk."

Buddy, I am not on this site to make friends. I have enough guy friends. If I wanted to make new friends, I'd go join a kickball team or play golf or something that involves meeting new people NOT ONLINE. 

What is wrong with some folks? I appreciate the honesty, however, use some tact. Good googa mooga. 

Anyways, I got this message this past week. Thought it was a tad funny:

"By any chance did you happen to do the Run For Your Lives around Halloween this year? It was really fun! 5K ... with mud and obstacles ... and zombies."

I didn't know I gave off the "I think zombies are the shit" vibe. 

So, that's my life in a nutshell. "Help, I'm trapped in a nut shell!" 

I'm not sure if you noticed, but I kind of like puns. 

A Gem of an Email

I got this gem of an email. 

"Hey what's up? Your very sexy and i have a thing for women who wear heels like stillettos /strappy heels. Do you wear things like that? I really find you attractive and I'd like to know if u would want to chat more on yahoo or something? Do you have a yahoo name?"

Yea, there's a winner. 

Drinking and Online Dating Don't Mix

Hello.

I did something dumb.

I went out drinking and then came home and decided to message the ginger who I met at homecoming.

Here's how it went:

Title: Yo

Message:

Alright "Ginger",

I thought you were pretty awesome when I met you. This whole homecoming/online dating thing is weird, and I honestly will admit homecoming was kinda hazy. Anyways, I thought you seemed like a cool dude n then you popped up as the single out match of the day. I thought I'd go ahead n message you. Anyways, here's an attempt at messaging you. I hate to beat around the bush so here's to cutting the chase. I think you're awesome and I'll leave it at that. If the feeling isn't mutual, alrighty, I understand. Have a great thanksgiving and see ya around either way! Ttyl!

"Me"

Soooooo, he hasn't messaged back. 

I'm still single.

Yea. 

That happened. 

Hand to face. 

"The Bet"

So, I've been holding out on you. I received this gem of a message a few weeks ago, but alas, here it is.

Title: The Bet
Message: Buddy of mine was looking over my shoulder and claimed that - you look like someone who will date a starving artist but marry a doctor. I came to your defense, of course, but now we've got a $20 bet. Am I about to lose $20?
-R

PS: Don't be too turned off by the text in my profile :)


Alright, I was half tempted to respond and not by answering his question. It would have gone like "You're an ass and so is your friend." Aside from being an ass, where on God's green earth does this guy think this type of message is going to pick up a lovely lady like myself? I haven't the slightest clue who would respond nor know any woman who would actually find this in any way attractive. And no, he wasn't hot.

Um....No.

Received another odd message yesterday evening.

It reads...

Subject: Int

Message: Suggar daddy?




That was it. Nothing else.

No, 42 year old man (yes, 42), I don't want a suggar daddy nor a sugar daddy. However, if we are talking about the candy, I'll have one. But no, I won't be having one of you nor your sugar babies either (also a delicious candy).

WTF?!

I know, I owe you all a post about my date from Friday night. But in the mean time.....

Got this message this evening:

Subject: Looks like there's some pain behind those eyes.

Message: Looks like there's some pain behind those eyes.


Um.... am I supposed to respond to this? How does one even respond to this?! What the (bleep) is this?!

Message from a "Kevin 2" aka "Johnny Drama"

So, I received this message from a 35 year old guy who already gave himself an alias of "Johnny Drama." Yes, referring to the guy from Entourage, aka the Sex and the City show for men.

"Lawyer Looking for His Partner in Crime and more"

"Hi,

"Ready for an ark yet?! It's bad enough the summer is over; Mother Nature is really reminding us. So, I was going through profiles, and was stopped in my tracks when I found you. Your pics are great; you are very photogenic; so very lucky! And your profile, while brief, is very intriguing . . .

"First, let me say- I love your honesty and attitude -- it is very refreshing and we should strive to have honesty, optimism and and positivity in our life. Life is too short for worry, regret and fretting.

"So, about me, what to say beyond my profile. As it states, I am originally from NYC, live and work in DC. I am of Greek/ Mediterranean background. I went to Penn.
While I am a lawyer I try to remain involved in a number of creative ventures, and just represented a nonprofit in a pro bono case. My other ventures including some photography and some start up tech.

"I think that we have a freakish amount in common -- as I also am very much into spending quality time with friends. I say - perhaps you agree -- you can be in the worst place on earth, but as long as you with your friends, it will be ok.

"If we met up, I would love to show you some of the new bistros, wine bars and boutiques around my part of town, near U Street, 14th. Would love to share an afternoon with you and learn more about you counsel.

"Is it possible for me to lure you out?

"Hope to hear from you"
"Johnny Drama" (aka "Kevin 2")

Sigh. Where to start..... As far as I know, lawyers don't commit the crimes (generally) and are trying to become partner, not look for one to commit offenses with. No, I am not ready for an ark, but maybe a cruise ship... but just not with you. I hate NYC/NY as whole (sorry, but I'm not sorry, and go Skins!). The only thing we have in common is that we both like me. And I will not, repeat... NOT be going over to YOUR part of town if we were to EVER meet up as a FIRST date. My name is not counsel, bitch, nor is it Carrie Bradshaw. Last I checked, I don't burrow down a hole in the ground which I need to be lured out of; as far as I know I'm not ground hog, mole, or chipmunk.

I really wish I could display the profiles that are associated with these messages because it really does add to the overall essence of how ridiculous these guys are and can be. I will tell you that the actor in the above photo I find more attractive than "Kevin 2" himself.

"Aaron" strikes again.

So I needed more writing material and in an act of desperation, I messaged "Aaron" back. Yes, the guy who started off talking about how he was a fugitive midget. Here it is folks:

My response:
Hey "Aaron",

So, at first, I honestly wasn't sure what to make of your message, haha. I was a bit confused at first but then eventually realized you are joking, or at least I hope you are.

I apologize for the delay response; life has gotten in the way between work, moving and settling into the new place.

Anyways, where about do you like to go out on the weekends? What have you enjoyed most about DC? What type of degree did you just finish up?

As for the ice skating, I meant being about to at least just get out there and not be glued to the wall. I used to figure skate back in the day and still try to get out on the ice whenever I seem to get a chance. Good for you for being able to be on your feet!

Hope you have been well and ttyl!
(Me)


His response:
(Me),
Nope, not a midget. Sorry, to begin by disappointing and misleading you, I think that’s supposed to come far later in a relationship than the initial introduction, ha. But hey, I had to at least fake some excitement to draw you in. Although, my midget story is remarkable, the boring truth is that I work in the House of Representatives doing energy and natural resources policy, I’m 6”3”, and have never even been arrested let alone to jail. Boring and standard issue, I know.

I just finished up a Masters in Public Policy. I went b/c it seemed like the logical next step following an undergrad degree in political science—short of going to law school that is. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do while working full-time, but manageable. However, it was more tolerable because the National Guard paid for it, which is always nice. I was in Army ROTC in undergrad, briefly served in the Army after college, and now I dabble in the Virginia National Guard one weekend a month.

Where’d you move to? I like H St, Georgetown, and Capital Hill best, but am pretty much open to anywhere on the weekends. What abt you?

Ok, I'd love to type more but I'm on my way out to my job as a bouncer over at the strip club. After that, I need to stop and pay off my bookie for my gambling losses from the past week. Once finished there, I'll be heading over to Anacostia to score my daily fix, but I'm sure you know how that goes. Actually, right now, I’m on vacation in (beach) and its abt time to hit the beach.

"Aaron"

I think that's enough from this guy.

Hiatus ended... by "Matt 2"

Arlighty, back to work. The long weekend was extremely relaxing and fun after a less than desired summer.

Got another gem of an email. I just found it creepy, mostly because I can see his picture and you can't and no, I won't share. But to give you an idea, he is a 35 year old white male seeking women between the ages of 18-50. Yikes.

"Im not that good at writing emails to strangers but bear with me.I read your profile and there was something about it that caught my eye.I have a feeling that there is more to you than your looks but lets see if your as nice,interesting,and attractive as you are in the pictures.Im willing to bet that you've gotten about 700 emails so far from dirty old married men wanting to be your sugar daddy.If thats what your used to then this email is refreshing.Im not one to talk about myself to much but im 35,tall,attractive,have my act together and im really funny.So if you dont like to laugh then were in trouble.Worst case?you might make a cool friend.So lets get together for a drink/coffee sometime..... 'Matt 2'" 


Pass.

A Message from "Aaron"

I kid you not, I received this message.

"Hey,

"While not being quite sure on the etiquette of [Dating Site], I noticed you on this, so I’ll take a moment to introduce myself to you.

"Recently, I escaped from prison. Now, don’t be alarmed, it was only a minimum security institution. Being a midget made it easier to burrow under the fence and crawl through the pipes and whatnot to gain my freedom. Now that I’m out, I figured it was time to dive back into the dating scene. And let me tell you, dating on the outside is a whooooole lot different than “dating” on the inside. Being a midget fugitive doesn't leave me many options but, in time, I'm sure that you will learn to love me.

"That being said, as you can tell from my pictures, in fact, I am not a midget. Instead, I live and work in the Capital Hill area of the city and have been here for a few years. Recently, I finished up grad school, and thankfully, now have some extra time on my hands. When not stealing tips off the tables at restaurants or throwing sand in the eyes of children on the playground, I'm out with friends, golfing, or sailing. I hope to hear from you.

"Aaron"

"PS. Now, by able to ice skate, are we talking spins and whatnot? If so, I’m not your man, but I did go to that ice skating on the mall once and I can proudly say I spent more time on my feet than on by butt."

I just couldn't find it in me to respond. Something about the mentioning of the midget/jail situation was off-putting. Not really sure what to make of that. Yes, I know he was joking about that (let's hope).

Creeper #1

I never actually went out on a date with this guy, but definitely worth a post.

Let's call him..... "Dan."

Dan messaged me and he appeared to be a normal guy. He was pleasent in his messages and seemed like a nice guy. He asked if we could exchange email addresses and I obliged.

That's when it went down hill.

I messaged him back my email address. When he logged onto the site later that day, he immediately messaged me apologizing for not seeing the message earlier, sent me a gchat invite, and then sent me another message back asking if I had received the chat invite. It was a bit intense, considering it all happened in less than 5 minutes. I waited, and then accepted.

Whoooooosh...... the sound of stuff going down hill....

He messaged me, and messaged me, and messaged me. About... everything. Then the creepy comments about appearances came out, like "Oh I bet you look real cute in that dress." I had ordered new swimsuits and updated my status to indicate that now that they have arrived, I will no longer be eating in order to fit into them. He took this literally, and reassured me that he bet I looked great in those swimsuits. Ew and ew. Apparently I failed to mention I am fluent and speak in Sarcasm. It just kept getting creepier and creepier.

Then it happened.... the Facebook request.

I don't know what possessed him to Facebook Friend request an individual he has never met.

This is when I, as politely as I could, informed him that I had become uncomfortable with his behavior. I let him know that his comments about my appearance, all of which he gathered from photos I had posted on my online dating profile, had become off putting and that the Facebook request was too much. I let him know that I am not friends with ANYONE on Facebook that I haven't met before. He was extremely apologetic and tried to mend things. I began to just ignore him.

He was a persistent little guy. After a few days had passed of him still messaging me and I ignored all of them, I finally cracked. I told him that I am not interested in getting to know him any more. He didn't understand why, so I blocked him. Problem solved.

And no, I never confirm the Facebook Friend Request. Come on. Don't let the title of this blog give you the wrong idea about me.

Another week or two had passed, and he messaged me ..... AGAIN. He said he was upset things didn't work out between us and felt as if we had a lot in common.

I wonder if he wore glasses.... I wonder if the lenses were rose colored....

So, my friend is also on the same site and started to talk about this guy who messaged her at every waking hour. She kept describing him and I finally asked:
Me:"What's his name?"
Me: "OMG! Is it Dan?!"
My Friend: "Dan."
Me: "OMG GET AWAY NOW!!!!"

I told her what had happened to me. She ended up telling him the truth that the messaging was a bit much. That didn't go over the same as when I had told him. He called her a "Bitch" and got into a bit of a spat.

I also forgot to mention he tried to video chat with her. They also hadn't met yet.

Am I the only one who finds that inappropriate and off-putting? Since when is it acceptable to do this? Why can't folks today actually have lives not in front of a computer screen?
(I say this as I type away.... but I'm writing about my life AWAY from the computer screen.... whatever. Just work with me here.)

And that folks, is a seemingly harmless guy gone creeper.