Neglected and Catching Up.

Yes, I know. This blog has been quite neglected. I wish I had something exciting to write, but I don't. Well, kinda, but not really. It's been two months, and one would think "Two months, that's plenty of time for lots of awkward dates!" Not a whole lot, but I do have two to report.

The first was with Craft Beer guy, the family friend's friend that I mentioned back in May. We met up for drinks one weeknight and it went pretty well, but not well enough. Conversation did not lag one bit, but that's because he kept talking and talking and talking. I had a nice evening, but overall I didn't feel like there was much for us to go off of. The connection just wasn't there. He walked me back to my place and along the way I got the sense he wanted to hold hands, so I just crossed my arms instead. Eh. After we said goodbye, I never heard from him again. And that was ok. But I did hear about him again.

So as you might recall, originally my mother was involved. And I didn't want her to be. I never told her that I went on a date with this guy, and after it didn't amount to anything, I didn't see any reason to say anything. Wellllllll, my family friend "Paul" decided to mention it to his mother, "Mrs. Marvel," or it just so happened to come up in passing. Well, his mother told my mother, and eventually it came full circle.

My mother felt the opportune time to discuss this was at brunch for Father's day. As we were discussing a completely different topic, she all of a sudden asked "Have you talked to "Paul," lately? When was the last time you spoke with him?"

Gulp. "Um... no, not recently... we were just talking about [whatever it was we were talking about]. What does this have to do with that?"

Mom: "Oh nothing. I was just wondering. So, Mrs. Marvel said that you messaged "Paul"."  Right then, our food came. I have never been so happy to see food in my life. The conversation ended. Thank you, Big Man Upstairs.

A month later..... my parents and I are at dinner, and again, my mother switches gears and brings up a new topic. She starts to go on and on how "Mrs. Marvel" told her about my date and everything she had heard about it. My mother then asks, "So do you still talk to this young man?"

Me: "No."
Mom: "Why?"
Me: "He never called me back."
Mom: "Did you not show enough interest?" (How motherly of her)
Me: "No, I just don't think there was enough chemistry."

The convo fizzled from there. I informed my mother that I go on lots of dates, I just don't tell her about them since they never amount to anything, and same went for Craft Beer guy. No sense in talking someone up who isn't going to stick around.

The second was different and unexpected. I went to a 4th of July party on the 3rd of July, because that makes sense (well, it does, because we had the 4th off, being a national holiday and all, so it's expected to go out the night before a day off). Anyways, I met a guy there. And he was quite awesome. We were chatting it up and he asked if I wanted to go on a walk right then. I said "Yes," and as we started down the drive way, our friends stopped us. We got held up in the driveway and eventually went inside to watch my friend's sky diving video. Then we continued to chat and he asked if I wanted to go for a walk again. I said yes, and again we got held up, but this time in the kitchen. Eventually it got late, so I decided to head out. I was bummed that I didn't exchange numbers with this guy, and thought about it the whole ride home.

When I got home, I decided to take some initiative. I found this guy on Facebook via the event invite list, and decided to message him. It went like this:

Me: "Just let me know if you ever want to go on that walk sometime!"
Him: "Haha, I do enjoy a nice walk."
Me: "Well, if the next time you'd like some company, just give me a call! 555-555-5555."
Him: "Sweet deal. You'll have my number soon. ;) "
Me: "Awesome! Can't wait! :) "

So a day passed, and one Monday night, I got a call from a number I didn't know. I typically don't answer numbers I don't know. But I do look up the number in case it's some telemarketer or such. Nada. But, I then noticed I had a voicemail! HE CALLED! I was ecstatic. When guys actually call, it is major points in my book.

I eventually called him back after being talked down by my girlfriend and got most of the nervous jitters out. He answered, and we started chatting away. It felt so natural and I had never felt more comfortable talking to someone before. We made plans to hang out that Wednesday. After my golf lesson (yes, I attempt to play golf), I gave him a call to see if we were still on. And we were! He suggested coming to his apartment to make omelettes. Now, I said yes, but was very guarded. I did not like that he suggested his apartment for a first date. But I decided to go with it just to see what happens. I got there, and we scrambled, we sliced, we diced, we sauted. It was probably one of the best dates I had been on. We then watched tv as we ate our delicious omelettes. Afterwards, we went on that walk, finally. It got late, and eventually I had to head home. It was really one of the best dates I had been on and with someone I felt so comfortable and like myself around.

A few days passed, and I hadn't heard from him. He mentioned he was going out of town for the weekend, so I figured I wouldn't hear from him and I didn't want to initiate anything myself. Eventually the weekend came to an end, and Monday came and went. Tuesday afternoon, I decided I'd give him a call. So much for not initiating. But I decided I'd give him a call, say I had fun hanging out last week, and would like to hang out again. If he didn't want to, that's ok. There would be my answer. So I called, and said just that; I had a nice time, would like to hang out again, and if not, that's fine. I had left this in a voice mail, and not more than 10 minutes later, he called back! He said he had been planning on calling me to hang out again (skeptical). We made plans to hang out again after my golf lesson that Wednesday.

I gave him a ring, and we decided to go play basketball at a nearby park. It was a ton of fun! If there is one thing I like doing, it's something interactive. We played basketball, then we tossed a Frisbee around until the sprinklers came on unexpectedly, and then hit some tennis balls. It was a ton of fun, but I did feel like something was slightly off. I disregarded it and told myself to just go with the flow. We went back to his apartment again, ate dessert and watched one of my favorite shows 'Modern Family." It was starting to get late and I thought that overall it had gone pretty well.

Then out of the blue, he says "So, I have some bad things to say." (Who says that, honestly?) And that's when I went into shock. He proceeds to go on saying that although he's enjoyed hanging out, he's not looking for a relationship, and the feelings of not wanting a relationship are still greater than feelings towards me. He starts on about his past relationships and how they were bad, and what he didn't like about them, etc. I'm sitting there, taking this all in. Finally, I pipe up and give him my two cents.... or ... maybe more. I told him I appreciated his honesty, however I felt like he was jumping the gun. We hung out twice. TWICE. Did I mention twice? And with this, I felt like he didn't give me a fair shot. Also, if he already felt this way before this date, then he shouldn't have returned my call and we shouldn't be sitting there on his couch. Overall, he pretty much wanted the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship, if you get my drift. I told him HELL-TO-THE-NO, and that I wasn't the girl he's looking for currently. I also told him how I once was in a relationship that going into it had a definite end, and it ended badly. We both went into it not wanting anything serious, and it got seriously ugly. So I passed along my words of wisdom to this guy that he can't go into a relationship that has a definite end and think it will come out all rainbows and butterflies. It won't.

We left it as being friends and that I would call him to hang out.

I have not called him and don't plan to.

Updates

Several people have asked me what happened to this blog in the past 2 months.

Fine, here's an update.

"Tom" and I still keep in touch. I figure if he wants to see me or talk to me, he has my number and knows how to get in touch. However, I have come to the realization (honestly, although I want to deny it sometimes) that its not going to go anywhere between us. We're in two different places in our lives and want different things. Friendly is going to be where it stays.

Other than that, there has been nothing. I haven't met anyone since giving up online dating, and this is how it works in the real world. I don't have dates every couple of days or every week, and although I do get out there and very frequently, meeting people on your own is a lot harder. So because of that, there are long, LONG, LONG, periods of time where I don't meet anyone. Sorry, just how the game goes. 

In addition, I just don't have the desire to put forth any effort towards someone. Call me jaded, but I've gotten tired of it all and really don't see the point of putting in effort towards a situation that won't go anywhere. I'm exhausted and really don't want to focus any of my time or attention to dating since it doesn't ever seem to end well. 

However, they always say it finds you when you stop looking.

Two different situations. I'll share one here and do another post later. 

I went out for my friend's birthday to a local bar and had myself a pretty good time. It wasn't too crowded so we were all able to mingle and get to know one another. A few drinks later, I found myself chatting it up with this guy at the end of the night. He seemed nice, but I wasn't really 100% drawn to him. As we were heading out, he asked for my number, and I obliged, after he asked me about five times. As we are exchanging numbers, I asked what his name is, and then I asked again, and again, and again. I could not for the life of me remember his name until I went to enter it into my phone. We said goodbye and parted ways. 

The next day, I was looking at my call-log and noticed a missed call from "Aaron" from the night before when we exchanged numbers. I was like "Huh? Oh yea, that guy. Ehhhhhhhh." He just became an afterthought and that was about it. 

The day after that, I was snoooozing away in an afternoon nap when my phone started ringing. It was "Aaron." I was completely shocked while also being half asleep. After I finished my nap, I called my girlfriend to get the 411 on this guy since we had only spoken briefly and I wasn't in a state to really remember anything substantial, not even his name for Pete's sake (if only he were named Pete). I met up with my girlfriend to debrief and found not much other than his age, he has a job, and that he's nice. 

Well I've got news for you; everyone is nice. A few hours later, I suppose his buddy told him I was asking about him, so he texted me. We exchanged a few, and then after I left my friend's place, I gave him a call. Annnnnnnd that's where things were a little different. After only speaking for about 5-10 minutes I realized that this was not the guy for me. Although I really appreciate that he called me first rather than texting, big points in my book (or blog), he sounded like one of the dumbest people ever. Our conversation was lack luster and there was nothing substantial to it. He was talking about the most random things, probably because he was nervous, but still, it was going nowhere. I held out for a little longer until I reached my apartment and said I was going to lose service. So, I said I'd call him back. 

I wish I hadn't. It was another 30 minutes of lack luster conversation that wasn't leading to anything. I finally said "Ok, I have to get going so I can get ready for my week and for bed" (it being a Sunday and all). He said "Ok, call me any time you want." We said "Bye" and that was the end of it. 

Call him any time I want? Buddy, I don't want to call you, I want to see where this goes and actually meet up in person. If you want to talk to girls on the phone, there's plenty of other numbers that provides that service. 

After not being impressed, I decided I didn't want to pursue this any further. He, of course, felt otherwise. The next day he texted me, then called me, and then texted me saying he was going to bed soon. However, I was busy having dinner with an old friend and catching up after too many months passing. The next day, he texted again, 3-4 separate times, and the final text saying to call him that night because he "needs to ask me something." I had enough, and replied back by saying sorry, but I am not interested. It was nice to meet him, and best of luck.

So far..... I haven't heard anything. Terrific. 

It did, however, remind me of the times that I put forth effort into someone and the feelings weren't being reciprocated. Instead of ignoring him and having him continue to contact me, I just decided to nip it right then and there and just tell him how I feel. I felt as if I was polite about it and he got an answer, and we can both move on. If only it could go like this every time.... but it doesn't. And that's when I get to blog about it. 

Stay tuned..... 

Unrequited

This is something that's been on my mind the past few days, so this post is really a stream of my thoughts, opinions, and questions that keep boggling my mind as of lately. I've seen it not only in my current situation, but also in that of others.

It's unrequited love.

I think almost everyone can relate to unrequited love to some degree.
There is always that yearning after someone who has you so blindsided that you may miss out on other, great individuals.

It's that "I like him/her but he/she doesn't like me back" situation.

I've analyzed and over analyzed this situation for days, weeks, months, possibly years on end as to how to get out of this funk.
I have no real answer, thought, nor opinion other than: time.

Time..... apart.

That's all I got for you.

Time away from said individual seems to be the only medicine that has worked best for me.
When I am in this type of situation, when I cannot for the life of me get over someone, it usually takes me some time to come to the realization when my feelings aren't being reciprocated and then it takes even more time to understand the "Why not?". And during all this time, I try to separate myself from them so I don't have any temptations or reasons to go back to the individual.
It is a sucky period of time and one I wish I could shorten.

This kind of connects back to an earlier blog post about wanting to know "why?" someone never returned your text, call, message, etc. and why things didn't work out. I understand that I'll never know why he never called back, or whatever it is he did or didn't do. However.....

I want to know why it's so difficult to get over some individuals than it is others. 
Why do we hang onto something that isn't there?
Why do we have such strong feelings for certain individuals who can't give us back what we need?
Why do we drive ourselves crazy over one person?

I try to convince myself that it's all in my mind and spin it with "I deserve someone who will treat me better. I deserve someone who will give me what I expect and demand out of a relationship. I don't deserve to be treated like this by someone.... anyone."

To an extent, I believe this is true. However, I still feel as if it only masks my feelings rather than resolving the issue at hand.
It excuses that I feel a certain way about someone that I can't seem to cut out.

You can't help how you feel, especially when something feels "different."
There is that un-explainable feeling you have as to why it feels right to you and no matter how hard you try, you can't explain that feeling to others. Or, is it just that it's nice to have someone to think about? Are we only kidding ourselves by doing this?

Overall, what I have found works best for me is recognizing that you, yes you, deserve someone who reciprocates those same feelings back and you shouldn't waste you time on someone who can't give you those feelings back. And the only way I've learned to heal those wounds from this "individual" who has caused you all this grief, is to distance yourself and give yourself the time to heal. Step back and focus on you and what you want rather than someone who can't give you what you want and need.

That's my two cents... or sand dollars, rather.

A Break.

Hello, again.

So an update. 

I haven't heard from "New Guy" since Sunday. 

Maybe he could sense that I wasn't 100% in this, or maybe I'm not his type. 

It's alright, cause I'm thinking he might not be my type either. 

Although our date was enjoyable, I just didn't feel a spark. 

I tried my best to keep an open mind and not limit my options. 

Oh well, moving on.

"Tom" and I met up this week and chatted about things. We've decided to take a step back and just be friends. 

I do enjoy spending time with him, however, right now I don't think it is the best timing. 

I'm glad we can at least be friends but disappointed I won't get to see where this could have gone. 

He really is someone that I could really see myself with and I think is the type of person who really compliments me. 

I haven't been able to say that in a long time. 

Lesson Learned: Timing is everything. 

And a Happy New Year it was!

First off, Happy New Year!!!

I hope you all had a great evening and celebrated it with great friends and family! 

Now for an update.

Lets see.... 

"Dude," who I still haven't met, texted me happy new years earlier in the evening. I was a bit surprised since I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks. I don't really understand the allure of texting with someone who you haven't met nor do you even talk on a regular basis that you have zero idea if there is any potential. I guess I'm a good texter? I might just be blunt with him and say "Hey, we've never met and have been talking for over a month. Do you want to set something up? Otherwise, I don't understand where this is going." Or.... well something to that effect. I don't want to feel like I'm being jerked around and I really don't see the allure of just texting with it not going anywhere. I mean, the point of these DATING sites is to meet people to DATE, right? So.... don't text me.... take me on a date. Let's see what happens. Good grief, this is exhausting. 

Again with the jerking around, I haven't heard from "New Guy" yet about setting something up for this week. I am not pumped up yet about this guy since his messages have been sparse. I'm kind of like "Why are you interested in me in the first place? We haven't even gotten to know one another! I know nothing about you and vice versa!" So, we'll see if anything happens, but I'm not holding my breath for now.

Ok, the juicy part. 
"Tom" is back in the picture. Since he was so adamant about hanging out this past week, I decided to ask him to the party I went to for New Year's Eve. He said "alright" and I gave him the details. I didn't hear much from him on the day of and felt like things were still sporadic between us; just no consistency. I got ready for the party and headed over with some friends and tried to not pay any attention to the fact that I hadn't heard from him. While enjoying myself with my friends and making new ones, I got a phone call from him! I had just missed it, so called right back. He answered and asked if he could still stop by; and I said of course! He said he'd be right over and he was. I was honestly really surprised and nervous and excited and everything all at the same time. I met him outside and we hugged hello before making our way inside. I felt like it was a little awkward because he knew very few people and we were just starting to hang out again, so I felt like there was and is some awkward tension.

Before he arrived, I wasn't sure if he wanted to be just friends or maybe something more. Well I eventually got my answer. At one point, I was catching up with an acquaintance from my dodgeball team who I hadn't seen in a while and learned that he and some other fellow dodgeballers have been reading my blog. (Hello Dodgeballers!) This meant that "Tom" was off on his own for a wee bit braving the party alone. Well, eventually it was narrowing down to midnight, so I decided to make sure "Tom" had some champagne. I noticed that something seemed off with him and I asked if he were alright; he said yes. The countdown arrived and I wasn't quite sure if he and I were going to exchange a kiss at midnight. So with an awkward moment, I turned around and hugged my friends first and then turned back to him. There was another awkward moment, but then he leaned in and it was quite clear; a kiss was in order. I smiled, gave him a peck, and said "Is that what you wanted?" He smiled and I was quite please that this is how I brought in the new year.

We eventually made way to the couch and decided to sit for a while. We chatted some, and at some point he expressed that he was a bit "jealous" that I was chatting it up with an old dodgeball teammate of mine. I assured him that he was a friend and we were catching up. I'll be honest in that I was a bit pleased to hear this because I felt like it gave me a sign that he's actually interested in me and did mind that I was out there talking to other guys. While sitting on the couch, we talked some, actually a lot, about "us," however at one point he was getting ahead of himself and I had to step in to let him know that he was doing so. I simply put that I enjoy spending time with him and right now there isn't anyone else in the picture; it's really just that. Although I am "talking" with a few guys, I have not had any dates since seeing him last nor have I met any of the guys I've been talking to. Also, I don't have very much interest in getting to know them since they haven't made an effort to see me; that doesn't exactly scream "I'm so interested in you!" by ignoring me half the time.

What I do know right now is that I like being around him and he makes me happy. I've never felt this comfortable around someone until he came along and I am really enjoying what time we do spend together. However, I'm not sure where this is going, nor am I certain that I want to pursue more if he's going to be wishy-washy with his behavior towards me. I just want to enjoy now and live in the moment; just see what develops and cross that bridge when we get there. He asked me to be honest with him and if I have anything on my mind to just speak it, so I will hold him to that in the future.

Overall, it was a terrific way to ring in the new year and I don't think I would have changed a thing.
Here's to new beginnings. 

End of November Updates

Hi there. 

So November has been an interesting month. 

Run down of the past week(-ish):

1. No, I never heard back from "Tom."

Most likely we'll run into each other one night and it will be awkward. 

Enough about him.

2. The result of my drunk online dating messaging with the Ginger. He did reply! With this:

"Hey [Me], I think you're pretty cool too and I definitely had fun at homecoming but I kinda started dating a girl a few weeks ago and don't wanna mess anything up with that. :/" 

I replied with this:

Hey "Ginger", 

So there was some liquid courage in that message I sent you last night, if it wasn't obvious. But I will admit, I've thought about messaging you for a while and apparently got enough in me to do it. I got a great laugh out of it today and hope you did too. Thanks for the reply back and good luck with the new chick! See ya around! (Either way, apparently. I have NO idea what I meant by that, nor half of that message.)

3. I've been messaging with two guys, but neither of them have "wowed" me. One I'm attracted to, but he doesn't live near by. The other I don't find as attractive, physically and quickly developing personality-wise, but he lives near by. I might give him a shot, but I'm not expecting much. 

Frankly, I'm very exhausted from all this dating and crap. 

I really have little to no interest to continue online dating, nor dating as a whole.

I'm fine being single and I'm having lots of fun doing my own thing, which is really the most important thing to focus on. 

If someone comes along and wants to be a part of the fun; terrific. But for now, I'm going to just do me. 

It's been an experience, but it's one that I think I've had enough of. 

My subscription ends December 29th to the one site I am currently on.

I deactivated the "free" site because... well, it was free and obviously so by the types of "men" on there. 

Drinking and Online Dating Don't Mix

Hello.

I did something dumb.

I went out drinking and then came home and decided to message the ginger who I met at homecoming.

Here's how it went:

Title: Yo

Message:

Alright "Ginger",

I thought you were pretty awesome when I met you. This whole homecoming/online dating thing is weird, and I honestly will admit homecoming was kinda hazy. Anyways, I thought you seemed like a cool dude n then you popped up as the single out match of the day. I thought I'd go ahead n message you. Anyways, here's an attempt at messaging you. I hate to beat around the bush so here's to cutting the chase. I think you're awesome and I'll leave it at that. If the feeling isn't mutual, alrighty, I understand. Have a great thanksgiving and see ya around either way! Ttyl!

"Me"

Soooooo, he hasn't messaged back. 

I'm still single.

Yea. 

That happened. 

Hand to face. 

The Toilet Situation

So, last time I left you, I was very unsure as to what was going on with my life and quite done with this whole dating thing.

Eh, well I still kind of am, but not. Not everything has gone down the crapper (ba-dum-shhh). Over the past week, there has been more talk between "Tom" and I and it seems to have picked up, again. One thing I think I'm having a hard time dealing with is that things between us are going kind of "slow" for my liking and I've had a really hard time trying to figure out what the hell is going on. But... it has been good for me to be taking things at a slower pace; something that I haven't really experienced with previous relationships.

"Tom" and I have kept in touch over the past week and tried to get together this past weekend but that fell through. Really fell. Fell right down into the crapper. Literally.

"Tom" was out of town this weekend but asked me Sunday about hanging out later that night. I said sure, come on over, and was expecting him almost any minute. Well, a minute turned into several minutes, which turned into a half hour, which turned into an hour, and then hours. That's right; he never showed up. I. was. pissed. Livid, really. 

Back up a few days, I had been wondering just how into me he really is and have had a lot of trouble being convinced that someone actually is attracted to me. This is an insecurity that I've been trying to work on and trying to muster up some sense that someone out there in this ocean, there is another fish that digs this fish, baggage and all.

Anyways, I didn't hear from him the rest of the night. I was really confused, oh yea, and pissed off. Did he decide he didn't want to come over? Did he fall asleep? Did his roommates drag him into something? What the heck is going on? I kinda freaked.

I texted him an hour later asking if everything was alright. Nada.

Next day; generally if I text him late, he'll respond the next morning. However, I didn't get anything. I was even more pissed. I have had this happen to me so many times and have been jerked around so much that frankly, I'm over it. I'm tired of dating, tired of playing games, tired of it all. I was vowing to take a long hiatus from the dating world if I never heard from him again.

So, of course I discussed and digested the situation with my close cohorts. Do I text him again? Do I call him? Do I wait? What do I do? And here is what I decided: to do nothing. That's right, I waited. I decided that if he wanted to come around and explain himself, he can and I will let him know that this behavior will not be tolerated. Otherwise, it's not worth my time and energy to go fishing after him for a half ass explanation.

And that is exactly what happened folks. Later that afternoon, he came around and I got a text from him. And it read:

"Hey!! I dropped my phone in the toliet last night.... I don't have your number [written down, I assume] either and I forgot which apt u are!! Sorry. Just got it fixed..."

Ok, I wasn't sure what to believe. I was like.... really? He dropped it in the toilet? Should I really believe this? This is absurd. What kind of excuse is this?

Then I thought about it. I've dropped my phone in the toilet, and more times than I'd like to admit. I decided it must be somewhat true, and knowing him as much that I do, this was entirely possible and I knew he was unsure as to which apartment I live in.  But I wasn't sure how to respond. So I came up with this:

"Hahahahahahahhahah oh lordy"

I mean, what else was I supposed to say? I could have been a huge bitch and been like "Really? Then prove it." but I didn't want to be like that. I kept my cool.

So, then we texted throughout the evening and the convo went well. I then found the confidence in me to believe that perhaps he really did drop it in the toilet. However, after that evening, I didn't hear from him. Back to being confused.

Wednesday afternoon, I decided I'd shoot him a text. He has been looking for a new car so I was curious if he was successful in finding one. He responded back with that he had found one, but he would text me more after work. And he did. We went back and forth and finally I enticed him to come hang out with watching regular tv and some wine. I think it was more the wine than the tv that got him.

He came over and it was awkward. I opened the door and he walked in. What was I supposed to do? Hug him? Kiss him? Tackle him? Do nothing? So, nothing I did. I had already poured myself some wine so when he got there I poured himself a glass, too.

Then we sat on either side of the couch. Yes, I'm in middle school. I wasn't sure what to do because I was so nervous that he was actually here, living and breathing, in my living room, on my couch. It was awkward at first but I tried to make chit-chat to sound like I was interested in him. After a while, we got more comfortable around one another and things clicked. By the end of the evening we were cuddled up on my couch and watching one of my favorite shows. Overall, it turned into a successful evening.

Lesson learned: to trust more. I think I need to trust in others more, as well as myself. With time, I think this will get better and I'll learn that not everyone is an asshole. Time does amazing things for tricky situations and especially so when it comes to dating and relationships.

"Jason"

So I had a date Friday night with "Jason."

Jason is 29 and seemed like a really laid back guy. We have a lot in common in that we both had similar majors in undergrad and he also played hockey growing up. Well, I didn't play hockey growing up but I did figure skate, so the fact that I found SOMEONE who can ice skate is amazing in of itself. Not many lads are willing to take to the ice; wimps. Skating is something we first spoke about via our messages and connected with from the get go. He was also from New England where part of my family lives and I really liked that about him as well, since we could share that childhood memory of summers spent up north, and for him... well his whole life. Same thing, right? Yea.

After messaging back and forth a bit, we finally decided to get together and hit the ice, literally. I had just gotten my skates sharpened and needed to dull them down, so we decided to meet up for dinner and some skating afterwards. I kept going back and forth with this guy; we had a bit in common and I was really excited to meet someone who was willing to skate with me and do something out of the ordinary and not the usual just dinner or drinks. As the weekend closed in and the date got nearer and nearer, I became more and more nervous about the date and had forgotten about all those butterflies that are set loose inside your stomach.

Before the big day, I looked over his profile once more and a few things stood out to me which hadn't before; apparently he was 5'7", I'm 5'3.5", 5'4" on a good day. It hadn't occurred to me that he was a shorter guy, but I tried to not let this bother me. Also, it said he was a "smoker, but trying to quit."

How did I miss THAT one?! I am not a fan of smoking; no sirree. Have I tried to inhale a cigarette before? Yes. Did I continue with that? No. I get that maybe in college the whole "I'll have one if I'm drunk," bit, but upon entering the real world, I realized how disgusting it is. However, I was like, "Well, it says he's trying to quit; maybe he only smokes when drinking or like... one a day?"

I was too hopeful.

We met up at the near by mall at a restaurant I had only been once before and it was delic! First of all, they had one of my favorite beers on tap, and not only that, it was on happy hour special too! SCORE! Then, I ordered a bison burger for dinner and it may have been one of the best burgers ever!! SCORE! Overall, I was very satisfied with my hunger and drinking needs.

Oh right, my date. We met outside the restaurant and he was wearing a navy, college hoodie, jeans, and white sneakers. I thought this was odd; I get that we were going to go skating, but at least put on a polo for dinner. I had left all my stuff in my car but had taken the time to dress up for the date at least (sweater, jeans, and heels, in case anyone cares). Anyways, we proceed into the restaurant and are seated immediately. Dinner conversation was pretty good; I was pleasantly surprised by how well we conversed! It was much better than half of the dates I've been on, I can say that much. I liked how ambitious he was and driven, as well as and that he was interested in a bunch of different activities. He was really easy to talk to and I felt much more myself around him than I have with other dates. We talked so much that we ended up missing the ice skating session and decided to go down the street to grab some more drinks.

Thaaaat's when things went a bit south. While walking to the next place, he asked me if I minded if he smoked a cigarette as we walked down the street. I did mind, but said it was ok; we were outside so I figured it was better there than inside somewhere or something of the like. We got to our next destination and ordered some beers and continued to chat. Our conversations were going great but he was starting to remind me of one of my exes; no bueno. Then he asked me if I would want to go outside with him real quick while he smoked another cigarette.

Good googa mooga; another cigarette? I was like "No, I'll just sit inside; I don't mind." He went outside real quick and I just sat there thinking.... this is a problem. He came back inside and mentioned that he's trying to quit. My smart mouth got the best of me and I said "And how's that going for you?" If he is rude enough to smoke two cigarettes on our date, then I think I can be rude enough to ask how his quitting is going for him, cause clearly it's not going THAT well. We continued talking for another forty-five minutes or so and then decided to call it quits (the night, not the smoking, clearly).

As we were walking back to my car, he decided to light up, AGAIN, for the third time. At this point, I was thankful that the date was ending but a bit disappointed as well. I really did enjoy spending time with this guy  and if it weren't for the smoking, I'd definitely would want to see him again. Once we got back to my car, I said thank you and that I had a fun, great time, which I did minus the smoking. We said we'd keep in touch and parted ways.

I haven't heard from him since I last saw him Friday night. Maybe he's been busy smoking all those cigarettes. Ew.

Lesson learned: Speak your mind if you do mind. Smoking is a deal breaker, for me, and I shouldn't have said that I didn't mind the first time he lit up that cigarette.

Neeeext.

Falling in.... lust?

I know, this picture might be a bit premature and even though it's not quite fall yet, it is September and that's what is on everyone's mind. The consensus seems to be that people are very excited for some cooler days, but not really ready for all that cold weather. Yea, I hear ya on that. I'm not quite ready for 3 feet of snow. But, I am ready to cool this place off. Humidity, be gone.

 This summer has been an interesting one with all the dates that were had and guys that came my way. I learned a lot this summer, so for that, I'm grateful I went out of my comfort zone and dived on into the online dating scene. It taught me to calm the hell down. It taught me to not settle for scum. It taught me that there are a lot of jerks out there. However, it also taught me that there are some great guys out there and that they do exist. They may be far and few between, but when they do come your way, they are definitely worth it. 

I'm excited to see what fall has in store. I'm hoping this lull fixes itself and my inbox is flooded with new material to share with you all after the long weekend. I wish I could tell you I am going to have some wild and crazy weekend, but I am spending it out of state with a bunch of couples. There is nothing like being the 15th wheel. I am excited though and I know this weekend will be a blast no matter what relationship status folks are in; they are my friends and I love them.

In a lull

So, I wish I had more exciting news to write about, but I don't. Currently, I am not chatting it up with any cuties; the well is quite dry. I could make something up, but that requires too much brain power.

I suppose I could talk about some of my past relationships, but those of you who know me, this will be far from anything new you have heard before, I'll spare you more wasted time.

These lulls happen and I think right now, that's a good thing. I've learned a lot in the past couple months about guys and myself. So, I think I should utilize this lull time to really focus on me and what I have gained from this experience.

One main thing I've learned about guys from this stint of online dating: If they are interested, you will KNOW.

Before, I would waste hours, days, WEEKS, and even possibly months trying to figure out if a guy is really interested me. I'd analyze every text, every conversation, every gesture, every THING between us and try to justify if he is really interested in me. Then, I learned it's much simpler than that. He'll make the effort. He'll let you know if he wants to see you. He'll contact you if he wants to chat. He'll make moves to be around you.

Now, I'm not saying us single ladies have to just sit around and wait; I hate waiting, I'm just as impatient as the next lassie. But my point is not to go too far out of your way to contact a lad. It gets to the point where it is.... smothering. And that is a turn off for both lassies and lads.

I understand the need "to know, just want to know" if he is or isn't interested. However, I came to the realization a couple months ago, thanks to my awesome male roommate at the time, that YOU'LL NEVER KNOW. It is just not that black and white. You don't know what's going on in his life. He may be interested but just not THAT interested. There may be some other girl. There may not be another girl but more so he just isn't ready himself to start seeing a girl. WHO KNOWS! I KNOW I DON'T! And I've come to terms with that and accepted it. You will never know and the MOST IMPORTANT POINT from this: DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT. It just is what it is. Move on.

That's another thing I've learned from this experience: if you aren't good enough for his time, then he is CLEARLY not good enough for YOUR time. Why would you want to go after someone who is not making YOU a priority just as much as you are making them?

In the past, I would get quite emotional about a guy not being interested in me, kind of goes hand in hand with analyzing everything between me and said guy and wasting so much time on just that. It's hard not to take it personally. You wonder what it is about you that has turned them off, or what you said, or what you did. But in the end, you are just not what they are looking for. It's kind of like.... college. You're accepted to some schools, because they see the potential in you and other schools don't. So, this point is, make the time and effort for those who are just as interested as you are to them and see that potential. There is no sense in pacing around and kicking yourself over something that didn't work out.

It's not you, it's them. You're awesome and you need someone just as awesome to be with. And whichever guy who has turned you down is clearly not as awesome.

Swim, my fellow fishies. Get out there and swim around. Be free. Eventually, you will find someone who can swim with you.

"Mike 1" the Fickle Pickle strikes once more

One last time... I promise.

Seriously, I promise.

So after he had texted me indicating he was back in town, and after I foolishly responded back a week later, he told me he was heading out of town, AGAIN. I didn't respond, mostly because I was swamped at work and didn't care about some lame ass who texted me every couple weeks.

He ended up friending me on Facebook after not speaking for a while and we hadn't seen each other in over a month. I took about a week to really think this one through. I thought "What does this guy want from me?! I hate playing this game of toss back and forth the fickle pickle! This barrel has had enough!"

So I accepted his request and went on vacation.

Yea yea yea, I'm an idiot. I was definitely hook, line and sinker for this guy. No, I don't know why either.

It was one inebriated evening that I finally had enough in me to message him. We went back and forth a few times and the texts were about the same as before; kind of ok but clearly not really putting forth any effort. It wasn't until I was back from vacation and he was back from training that more communication came about. He had asked earlier one week if I were free any evening; I replied that I was busy moving to a different apartment and wasn't sure what my schedule would be like. Ha. I'm busy and you can't get to me. Suck it, you fickle pickle.

He was persistent this time. He messaged me a few times and on Friday evening asked to get drinks to celebrate the new apartment and before he went out of town for two weeks for more training. I gave him the answer he gave me, "I'm going to have to say tentatively yes."

HA-HA, SUCKA!!! It felt really good to treat him the way he treated me. I'm not sure as to why I was sinking down to his level, but I have experienced so many fickle pickles in my life that it was time for revenge, served cold. I said I'd keep him posted through out the day on Saturday.

Saturday afternoon rolled around and some friends and I were going to go out that evening. I decided to invite him. Not sure what I was thinking, but whichever guy was going to date me, he's going to have to meet my friends at one point or another, so why not tonight. He accepted the invitation to go out with my friends and I that night. I was shocked. I gave him the details about when and where we were going to meet up and he said he'd be there. I still didn't really believe it, so I just went about my evening as if he wasn't going to show at all.

I met up with my friends, most of which are dudes and that made me nervous in an instant. I realized what I had done. I invited this guy who I was interested in to come meet 6 of my close guy friends. What was I thinking "Me, my date, and 6 dudes. How could this go well?" One of my friends asked who my plus one was that evening, which I then let them know that I invited someone "special," out that evening. I got what I expected; the oooos and heeeeys and the eagerness to embarrass me as much as possible.

However, he still had to show up in order for any embarrassment to occur. I hadn't heard from him and it was closing in on 40 minutes after he said he would be there. All of a sudden I did receive a text from him saying he had arrived. I was extremely shocked that he came at all, especially given that I was there with my friends. I met up with him and walked over to where we had all been standing. After finally introducing him to everyone, we began to catch up. I was pretty nervous because I wasn't sure how to act. I was still a little bitter about the way he had treated me before but excited that he decided to come out and see me. Conversation went all right and overall the evening was a success. My friends behaved, as far as I know, and he and I seem to hit it off once again.

We split a cab back to my place where we decided to watch another movie. Kind of the same deal as before; I actually wanted to watch a movie and he really didn't want to but rather make out. There were some more awkward attempts at trying to sneak in a kiss during the movie, but something about Madagascar 2 really had my attention. Those penguins are just so darn funny!

After the movie was over, we turned on regular TV and made out some. It was starting to get late and I eventually told him that I did not want him to spend the evening; didn't want to rush anything. And boy was I glad I did. He said that was fine and I walked him out. He headed home which was about 3 blocks from my new place, so not too far. I sent him a text the next day saying I had a fun evening and to let me know when he was back in town after his training. He replied saying he had fun too and would let me know.

It's been almost two weeks and I haven't heard from him since that Sunday morning. However, the funny thing is about one of these sites is that you can see when an individual logged in last. He's logged in every day to this site since I last heard from him. I feel as that if a guy who is REALLY, GENUINELY interested in me is not going to ignore me for two weeks and look at a bunch of other girls' profiles. It is QUITE clear to me that he is only interested in ONE thing and doesn't have any intention of dating me/having a relationship.

This little fishy is letting go of that hook, that line, and that sinker.

Just keep swimming.

August: "Mike 3"

For August, third time isn't a charm: "Mike 3"

We are finally into the beginning of this month, which the real story kind of began at the end of July when "Mike 3" messaged me, but we didn't actually meet until August. Anyways, "Mike 3" was another really nice guy and his messages were sweet, pleasant, and there was just enough flirtation in them that didn't cross any lines. He messaged me when I was on vacation and I only had my phone so it was difficult to type on that tiny keyboard. However, I managed and we decided to set up a date for that Sunday after I got back.

I was excited for a few reasons; he was pretty cute in his pictures and had a good sense of humor about him and I had a rocking tan from being at the beach all week. We decided to meet at this Mexican restaurant that he had been to a few times. He offered to pick me up, but since we hadn't met before, I decided it was best to just meet there. I got there WAY earlier than I anticipated, so I just sat in my car. Got out and walked on over; recognized him right away.

He was fairly short, I'd say 5'6" or 5'7", which he had indicated on his profile. But that didn't bother me much since, again, I am not that tall. However, he was a pretty thin guy and I know I'm not a skinny mini myself (I consider myself average-ish and curvy for any of you who may not know me). This didn't seem to bother him and he seemed happy to meet me! We went inside and got seated.

A few things happened at dinner. One; there was a live mariachi band playing. It was so loud that it was actually really difficult to hear and converse with one another. He informed me that the other times he had been there for work happy hours, there had not been a band. However, it was entertainment enough!

Another thing about dinner; he was a bit "metro" for my taste. I typically am more attracted to I guess, manlier men than more metro-sexual men. This was not helping me focus on him. Nor was the cute guy sitting at another table. I caught myself staring at the other guy a few times and realized.... I AM HERE ON A DATE. FOCUS. ITS THE LEAST YOU CAN DO. We finished up dinner and in our messages we had agreed that if the evening went well, we could go play some shuffleboard at a local joint. He ended up suggesting it, and I obliged thinking that maybe I need to get to know this guy better.

We arrive at the scene of the crime where I had the disaster date with "Dave." I was praying this time it would go better. It did. "Mike 3" picked up the shuffleboard items and also asked if I wanted a drink or anything. I said "yes," and went to go set up while he grabbed some beers. Shuffleboard went great! He definitely opened up more and that snagged more of my attention. He was funny, witty, competitive, and made me feel more relaxed around him. I was definitely enjoying myself, but I was having a hard time reading him, and myself, as to whether there was something between us. I just couldn't get over that he was fairly metro-sexual and that just wasn't something I'm attracted to in a guy.

We decided to end the shuffleboard games and head on out. He picked up the tab this time unlike.... "Dave," who did the half ass motion to his wallet, who shouldn't have even bothered motioning at all..... moving on. We walked outside and headed back to his car. He asked if I wanted to do something else, which surprised me! I was like "Well, I don't know what else there is to do on a Sunday evening." He fished for ideas, and then suggested going back to his apartment to play pool in the rec room of the complex and have some wine.

I said that I thought it was late and that I should head home since it was a Sunday evening, I had work in the morning, and I had been out on vacation all that week before. Plus, I know better than to go back to a guy's apartment on the first date, especially one I had never met prior to that evening. Let's not rush things here, buddy.

He said that was fine and drove me back to my car that I had left at the restaurant. Before we parted ways, we did the "I had a nice time," speech and exchanged numbers. Before I got out of the car, he went for it; he kissed me. That wonderful, awkward, over-the-center-console kiss. It was a quick kiss, not a full on make out or anything, but I was certainly surprised. I didn't really get the vibe that he was THAT into me that a kiss would be involved at the end of the evening. Perhaps it was because I wasn't feeling that vibe more so myself. I said goodbye and got into my own car.

We exchanged a few texts that evening and next day, but after I had sent one on Monday saying that Wednesday and Thursday worked better for me to get together again, I didn't receive a text from him later that week ON THURSDAY saying Tuesday and Thursday worked better for him. I was confused since Tuesday had already passed, so I just never responded back. Never got anything from him either.

Suppose it was ok I didn't hear back, but lesson learned: don't check out other guys while on a date with a guy. Otherwise, that's a clear indication that you are not interested if you can't even focus on him through a meal.

"Mike 2"

Up Next: "Mike 2"

This picture are the actual flowers he BROUGHT me to our first date and I took once I got home.

I melted.

I REALLY liked "Mike 2." He was pretty much almost perfect. He was funny, he had great taste in music, he was caring, witty, motivated; almost the perfect guy (Seriously, a true gentleman). I was so excited when we finally set up a date on a Wednesday in Mid July.

The date was amazing. I show up, nervous as all hell, only to walk in front of the restaurant to see two friends, another couple, sitting right outside the restaurant having drinks. There was no hiding; I was right there and so were they and they aren't the type of people you can pretend you didn't see. They're my friends for Pete's sake. So I said "Hi," and we chatted and such. Well, I tried to chat. I spilled the beans right away that I was there waiting for a blind date. They spoke but I was so nervous, I honestly wasn't even listening. I kept nervously dancing around and tripping over myself. At one point, I "went in side real quick to see if he's there waiting" (and I knew he hadn't arrived) but I felt the need to send him a quick text saying that I'm waiting outside with my friends who happen to be there.... AWKWARD.

As I stood there, barely standing from being so nervous, I finally spotted him walking up the street. Under my breath I said "Omg there he is." And just stared as he came up the sidewalk. He was carrying something, and I thought "Is that a bag in his hands? Why would he be carrying something that looks like a gym bag?" Then I realized it was flowers.

As he approached we noticed each other and once he realized it was me, he had a huge smile on his face. I must of looked like a tomato, I could feel myself blushing so hard. He said "Hey," and we hugged "Hello" and then I said "Annnnnnnd these are my friends! Yaaay!"

Yes, "Yaaay!"

He was totally cool about it. He's the type of guy who makes small jokes here and there, so that's exactly how he handled the situation. He said "These are for you," about the flowers and pretended to put them in my friend's drink as if it were a vase. I swooned. I was on cloud 9. I couldn't believe this was happening. Here was this tall, handsome guy who brought me flowers and was just such a delight to be around; one of those people who just ooze great energy.

We made our way inside and sat down for dinner. I laid the flowers there on the edge of the table and so the date began. We spoke about everything; sports, work, family, school, music, etc. Just a normal conversation with someone who I felt like I knew forever. We ate and continued to just chat away the evening. When we were all finished our waitress had a surprise for us.

She came over to our table asking if we were all done with our meals. We said yes, and she informed me that my friend had left some cash with her for us to use to split a dessert.

AS IF THE EVENING COULDN'T BE ANY MORE PERFECT.

We said that we were stuffed, so I ordered another beer instead. I couldn't believe this was all happening. I don't think any guy has treated me like this on a date. I was seriously blown away. It gave me hope that great guys do exist and are worth all of those toads you come across along the way.

We wrapped up the evening and he walked me back to the metro. We hugged goodbye and said we would be in touch. I ended up taking a cab home since it was late and the metro usually runs slower in the night. I sat in the cab and was the happiest girl in the world.

When I got home, he sent me a text saying he had a great evening, and I replied that I did as well. He said it was his pleasure to take me out for the evening. I couldn't get over how sweet and polite he was, and to all people me.

I had a hard time falling asleep that night.

I got to work and told a few folks about the evening. I was in the best mood I had been in for a long time. We stayed in touch over the next few days via text and FB chat. Conversation went well but then it began to slow.

After a few days had passed, and although we stayed in touch, there was no second date planned. I decided to ask him on Sunday evening what he was up to that week. He said nothing at all and we planned for another date on that Wednesday, a week after the first.

We decided to meet closer to him, and after a long day at work I was running a little behind when I drove up to meet him. I showed up and we met at this small Italian place, which was delicious.

Something was different this time. I'm not quite sure if it were because we both had long days at work or if something happened. Conversation didn't seem to flow at first and it wasn't clicking as well as the week before. I tried my best to just think of SOMETHING to talk about, as long as it wasn't poo like the date I had with "Kevin," lesson learned, got it. I knew that he had enough when he was looking for the waiter to get the check. We wrapped up dinner and walked to my car across the street. We parted ways, and over dinner I had tried to drop that I was going to be on vacation the following week out of town, but it was clear he wasn't really looking to know of my whereabouts. We hugged goodbye and I said I hope he had a nice weekend and we'd be in touch.

We haven't spoke since then.

You win some and you lose some. If anything, I learned from this date that nice guys do exist.

"Kevin"

Next: "Kevin."

A lesson learned.

There isn't much to say about Kevin. He was a really nice guy. First guy to actually CALL me to set up a date rather than just texting. I think this says worlds, but that's just me. Anyways, because I was sick with this nasty cold, that luckily prevented me from a third date with "Mike 1," our date was postponed a bit. Finally we found a day and time that worked. We met up at an outside, free concert and then planned to grab a bite to eat. Well, it rained on our parade, literally, but parade being concert. We instead just decided to get dinner.

Dinner went alright. I thought it was going well, but we were kind of fishing for things to talk about between us. He expressed his distaste for his best friend's girlfriend and was quite passionate about it. Kind of a turn off, but I think we can all understand when a friend starts seeing someone that maybe we don't quite understand what they see. It happens. Overall, I thought it was a decent date. However there was a mentioning, done by me, about poo. I think that's what turned the date into a shitty date.

I learned my lesson; don't mention poo on a first date.