Neglected and Catching Up.

Yes, I know. This blog has been quite neglected. I wish I had something exciting to write, but I don't. Well, kinda, but not really. It's been two months, and one would think "Two months, that's plenty of time for lots of awkward dates!" Not a whole lot, but I do have two to report.

The first was with Craft Beer guy, the family friend's friend that I mentioned back in May. We met up for drinks one weeknight and it went pretty well, but not well enough. Conversation did not lag one bit, but that's because he kept talking and talking and talking. I had a nice evening, but overall I didn't feel like there was much for us to go off of. The connection just wasn't there. He walked me back to my place and along the way I got the sense he wanted to hold hands, so I just crossed my arms instead. Eh. After we said goodbye, I never heard from him again. And that was ok. But I did hear about him again.

So as you might recall, originally my mother was involved. And I didn't want her to be. I never told her that I went on a date with this guy, and after it didn't amount to anything, I didn't see any reason to say anything. Wellllllll, my family friend "Paul" decided to mention it to his mother, "Mrs. Marvel," or it just so happened to come up in passing. Well, his mother told my mother, and eventually it came full circle.

My mother felt the opportune time to discuss this was at brunch for Father's day. As we were discussing a completely different topic, she all of a sudden asked "Have you talked to "Paul," lately? When was the last time you spoke with him?"

Gulp. "Um... no, not recently... we were just talking about [whatever it was we were talking about]. What does this have to do with that?"

Mom: "Oh nothing. I was just wondering. So, Mrs. Marvel said that you messaged "Paul"."  Right then, our food came. I have never been so happy to see food in my life. The conversation ended. Thank you, Big Man Upstairs.

A month later..... my parents and I are at dinner, and again, my mother switches gears and brings up a new topic. She starts to go on and on how "Mrs. Marvel" told her about my date and everything she had heard about it. My mother then asks, "So do you still talk to this young man?"

Me: "No."
Mom: "Why?"
Me: "He never called me back."
Mom: "Did you not show enough interest?" (How motherly of her)
Me: "No, I just don't think there was enough chemistry."

The convo fizzled from there. I informed my mother that I go on lots of dates, I just don't tell her about them since they never amount to anything, and same went for Craft Beer guy. No sense in talking someone up who isn't going to stick around.

The second was different and unexpected. I went to a 4th of July party on the 3rd of July, because that makes sense (well, it does, because we had the 4th off, being a national holiday and all, so it's expected to go out the night before a day off). Anyways, I met a guy there. And he was quite awesome. We were chatting it up and he asked if I wanted to go on a walk right then. I said "Yes," and as we started down the drive way, our friends stopped us. We got held up in the driveway and eventually went inside to watch my friend's sky diving video. Then we continued to chat and he asked if I wanted to go for a walk again. I said yes, and again we got held up, but this time in the kitchen. Eventually it got late, so I decided to head out. I was bummed that I didn't exchange numbers with this guy, and thought about it the whole ride home.

When I got home, I decided to take some initiative. I found this guy on Facebook via the event invite list, and decided to message him. It went like this:

Me: "Just let me know if you ever want to go on that walk sometime!"
Him: "Haha, I do enjoy a nice walk."
Me: "Well, if the next time you'd like some company, just give me a call! 555-555-5555."
Him: "Sweet deal. You'll have my number soon. ;) "
Me: "Awesome! Can't wait! :) "

So a day passed, and one Monday night, I got a call from a number I didn't know. I typically don't answer numbers I don't know. But I do look up the number in case it's some telemarketer or such. Nada. But, I then noticed I had a voicemail! HE CALLED! I was ecstatic. When guys actually call, it is major points in my book.

I eventually called him back after being talked down by my girlfriend and got most of the nervous jitters out. He answered, and we started chatting away. It felt so natural and I had never felt more comfortable talking to someone before. We made plans to hang out that Wednesday. After my golf lesson (yes, I attempt to play golf), I gave him a call to see if we were still on. And we were! He suggested coming to his apartment to make omelettes. Now, I said yes, but was very guarded. I did not like that he suggested his apartment for a first date. But I decided to go with it just to see what happens. I got there, and we scrambled, we sliced, we diced, we sauted. It was probably one of the best dates I had been on. We then watched tv as we ate our delicious omelettes. Afterwards, we went on that walk, finally. It got late, and eventually I had to head home. It was really one of the best dates I had been on and with someone I felt so comfortable and like myself around.

A few days passed, and I hadn't heard from him. He mentioned he was going out of town for the weekend, so I figured I wouldn't hear from him and I didn't want to initiate anything myself. Eventually the weekend came to an end, and Monday came and went. Tuesday afternoon, I decided I'd give him a call. So much for not initiating. But I decided I'd give him a call, say I had fun hanging out last week, and would like to hang out again. If he didn't want to, that's ok. There would be my answer. So I called, and said just that; I had a nice time, would like to hang out again, and if not, that's fine. I had left this in a voice mail, and not more than 10 minutes later, he called back! He said he had been planning on calling me to hang out again (skeptical). We made plans to hang out again after my golf lesson that Wednesday.

I gave him a ring, and we decided to go play basketball at a nearby park. It was a ton of fun! If there is one thing I like doing, it's something interactive. We played basketball, then we tossed a Frisbee around until the sprinklers came on unexpectedly, and then hit some tennis balls. It was a ton of fun, but I did feel like something was slightly off. I disregarded it and told myself to just go with the flow. We went back to his apartment again, ate dessert and watched one of my favorite shows 'Modern Family." It was starting to get late and I thought that overall it had gone pretty well.

Then out of the blue, he says "So, I have some bad things to say." (Who says that, honestly?) And that's when I went into shock. He proceeds to go on saying that although he's enjoyed hanging out, he's not looking for a relationship, and the feelings of not wanting a relationship are still greater than feelings towards me. He starts on about his past relationships and how they were bad, and what he didn't like about them, etc. I'm sitting there, taking this all in. Finally, I pipe up and give him my two cents.... or ... maybe more. I told him I appreciated his honesty, however I felt like he was jumping the gun. We hung out twice. TWICE. Did I mention twice? And with this, I felt like he didn't give me a fair shot. Also, if he already felt this way before this date, then he shouldn't have returned my call and we shouldn't be sitting there on his couch. Overall, he pretty much wanted the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship, if you get my drift. I told him HELL-TO-THE-NO, and that I wasn't the girl he's looking for currently. I also told him how I once was in a relationship that going into it had a definite end, and it ended badly. We both went into it not wanting anything serious, and it got seriously ugly. So I passed along my words of wisdom to this guy that he can't go into a relationship that has a definite end and think it will come out all rainbows and butterflies. It won't.

We left it as being friends and that I would call him to hang out.

I have not called him and don't plan to.

Craft Beer, Again.

Hello, again.

So I have another update.

After a little over a week, "Paul," the family friend, finally messaged me back to inform me he will be giving my number to his friend. He had nice things to say about his friend "Peter," and said if I had any questions to not hesitate to ask. It was a really pleasant message and kind of brightened my day! So for now, I wait.

I got this message while sitting in the movie theaters waiting for "Titanic" to begin; yes, I saw it once more in theaters to relive my preteen days, and it was just as good. I was excited in that moment when sitting in my popcorn-crusted seat, but then after the movie had ended, I didn't feel that same excitement as before, to be honest. Usually, I get rather excited about such things and for prolong periods of time (days, weeks, maybe months). I kind of am excited, but only slightly. I'm not sure what has gotten into me, but I'm not jumping up and down to see what adventure might unfold. I don't feel that same energy as before when it comes to dating. I just feel kind of blah.

In other news, I have my eye on another lad that I have met within recent weeks/month-ish. However, I decided I'm not going to blog about this one. I have my reasons and if something does come about, perhaps I may blog about it, but until then, I see no reason to get further into details.

I apologize for this awkward, sour-puss of a blog post. I guess it is a reflection of my current "I have no idea what I want in life," state of mind.

Craft Beer

Alright, so here's a better story.

One evening I am sitting on my couch, minding my own business, and I get a ring from the parents. Or maybe I called them, I can't remember. Anyways, my mother answers and she asks me what is new and such, and just small chit chat. However, I could tell there was something on her mind. And then... she spoke....

Mom: "Sooooo Mrs. "Marvel" came over to the house this past weekennnnd, and we were chattinnnng, and she asked if you were seeing anyone! I said 'She sees friends but I don't think she's seeing anyone!"

I said, ".............ok."

Mom: "Soooo she said that "Paul" has a friend who is looking to date! ("Paul" being Mrs. "Marvel's" son who is my age). She said that he's tried those online dating sites but nothing has worked out!"

Me: ".....................ok."

Mom: "Anyways, he's really into craft beer!................ So........"

Me:"............. I like beer."

Mom: "GREAT! I'll tell her you're interested!!!!!!!!!!"

Me:".................................."

Now, I wasn't sure what to think of this whole thing. Although a guy who likes craft beer is just utterly alluring, I wasn't sure how I felt about my mother being so involved.

Me;" Does this guy even have a name?"

Mom:"Oh I don't know, I don't remember. Umm..... uhhhh.... OH! It's uh, 'Peter,' that's it, it's 'Peter.'"

Me: "Um, 'Peter' what? Does this kid have a last name?"

Mom: "Oh I have no idea; I can't remember."

Dad from the depths of the background: "'Murphy!'"

Mom:"That's right! 'Murphy!'"

I'm thinking, how on earth did my father remember this kid's last name? What the hell is going on here? Anyways, we wrap up the conversation and I tell myself don't think anything of it unless my mother gives me a ring back.

A week later, while at work I notice that I get a call from "Home" on my cell phone, but don't answer since I am at work, and if it is an emergency, they know my work number where I'd be happy to answer. So I didn't think anything of it and continued on with my day. Later that evening, "Home" calls me again. It wasn't a good time for me to answer, but I called them back. My mother answered.....

Mom:"Soooo I spoke with Mrs. "Marvel" ............ and uh...... she suggested dinner on Sunday!"

Me:"............. huh?"

Mom: "Dinner on Sunday! What do you think?! Of course "Paul" would be there with his girlfriend."

Me: "Wait.... .......... So it would be me, you and dad, Mr. and Mrs. "Marvel," "Paul" and his girlfriend, and then this guy?"

Mom: "Well, yea, I assume so!"

Me:"...............................................no."

Mom: "Awwww really? Are you sure?"

Me:" Yea................. no."

A few minutes later...

Mom: "Well how are you supposed to meet this guy?!"

Me:"Mom, fate will figure it out."

Mom:"Oh ok."

I don't think I could think of a more mortifying experience of going on a BLIND DATE with MY PARENTS and another set of PARENTS to meet a family friend's friend. I mean, what the hell, why not invite "Peter's" parent's while we're at it?!

Here's a list of reasons I am opposed to this:
1. When I show up at the house, I guarantee my mother would say something along the lines of "You decided to wear that?"
2. Everyone will know why we are there; to set me up with my "future husband." (I'm positive that's how my mother sees it).
3. I won't be able to be myself around everyone.
4. Too much pressure to get to know this guy.
5. My mother would do all the talking and grill this guy to death about his family, where he's from, his education, his job, etc.
6. Too much of an opportunity to be utterly humiliated.
7. The most awkward goodbye ever.
8. My mother harassing me if I have heard from "Peter" and if we have a date planned and then how it went and such.
9. My mother being too involved in my love life for my own liking.
10. Me going insane.

I told a few folks about this situation and they were like "Do it for the blog!" And I responded with "Hell no." Although this blog could have used it, it was not worth it to me to go through all that, especially since I'm apathetic to dating at the moment.

However, I gave it more thought. And here's what I concluded: Mrs. "Marvel" and her family have been close to our family for over 20 years, and if she is willing to suggest a guy for me to my mother, this guy must be alright. I feel as if she wouldn't recommend just anyone of "Paul's" friends and mom's don't just suggest their son's friends to their friends with daughters (I think....).

After a few days, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I decided to message "Paul" on Facebook since we are "friends" on this site. I gave him my number and I told him that his friend can call me if he's up to it since Sunday dinner wasn't exactly my speed. I was very nervous about doing this, but I thought, "Eh, what the hell? Why not? Worst case scenario, I don't ever get a call." And I'm ok with that.

So far, I haven't heard anything. But when I do, I'll be sure to let you all know.

And a Happy New Year it was!

First off, Happy New Year!!!

I hope you all had a great evening and celebrated it with great friends and family! 

Now for an update.

Lets see.... 

"Dude," who I still haven't met, texted me happy new years earlier in the evening. I was a bit surprised since I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks. I don't really understand the allure of texting with someone who you haven't met nor do you even talk on a regular basis that you have zero idea if there is any potential. I guess I'm a good texter? I might just be blunt with him and say "Hey, we've never met and have been talking for over a month. Do you want to set something up? Otherwise, I don't understand where this is going." Or.... well something to that effect. I don't want to feel like I'm being jerked around and I really don't see the allure of just texting with it not going anywhere. I mean, the point of these DATING sites is to meet people to DATE, right? So.... don't text me.... take me on a date. Let's see what happens. Good grief, this is exhausting. 

Again with the jerking around, I haven't heard from "New Guy" yet about setting something up for this week. I am not pumped up yet about this guy since his messages have been sparse. I'm kind of like "Why are you interested in me in the first place? We haven't even gotten to know one another! I know nothing about you and vice versa!" So, we'll see if anything happens, but I'm not holding my breath for now.

Ok, the juicy part. 
"Tom" is back in the picture. Since he was so adamant about hanging out this past week, I decided to ask him to the party I went to for New Year's Eve. He said "alright" and I gave him the details. I didn't hear much from him on the day of and felt like things were still sporadic between us; just no consistency. I got ready for the party and headed over with some friends and tried to not pay any attention to the fact that I hadn't heard from him. While enjoying myself with my friends and making new ones, I got a phone call from him! I had just missed it, so called right back. He answered and asked if he could still stop by; and I said of course! He said he'd be right over and he was. I was honestly really surprised and nervous and excited and everything all at the same time. I met him outside and we hugged hello before making our way inside. I felt like it was a little awkward because he knew very few people and we were just starting to hang out again, so I felt like there was and is some awkward tension.

Before he arrived, I wasn't sure if he wanted to be just friends or maybe something more. Well I eventually got my answer. At one point, I was catching up with an acquaintance from my dodgeball team who I hadn't seen in a while and learned that he and some other fellow dodgeballers have been reading my blog. (Hello Dodgeballers!) This meant that "Tom" was off on his own for a wee bit braving the party alone. Well, eventually it was narrowing down to midnight, so I decided to make sure "Tom" had some champagne. I noticed that something seemed off with him and I asked if he were alright; he said yes. The countdown arrived and I wasn't quite sure if he and I were going to exchange a kiss at midnight. So with an awkward moment, I turned around and hugged my friends first and then turned back to him. There was another awkward moment, but then he leaned in and it was quite clear; a kiss was in order. I smiled, gave him a peck, and said "Is that what you wanted?" He smiled and I was quite please that this is how I brought in the new year.

We eventually made way to the couch and decided to sit for a while. We chatted some, and at some point he expressed that he was a bit "jealous" that I was chatting it up with an old dodgeball teammate of mine. I assured him that he was a friend and we were catching up. I'll be honest in that I was a bit pleased to hear this because I felt like it gave me a sign that he's actually interested in me and did mind that I was out there talking to other guys. While sitting on the couch, we talked some, actually a lot, about "us," however at one point he was getting ahead of himself and I had to step in to let him know that he was doing so. I simply put that I enjoy spending time with him and right now there isn't anyone else in the picture; it's really just that. Although I am "talking" with a few guys, I have not had any dates since seeing him last nor have I met any of the guys I've been talking to. Also, I don't have very much interest in getting to know them since they haven't made an effort to see me; that doesn't exactly scream "I'm so interested in you!" by ignoring me half the time.

What I do know right now is that I like being around him and he makes me happy. I've never felt this comfortable around someone until he came along and I am really enjoying what time we do spend together. However, I'm not sure where this is going, nor am I certain that I want to pursue more if he's going to be wishy-washy with his behavior towards me. I just want to enjoy now and live in the moment; just see what develops and cross that bridge when we get there. He asked me to be honest with him and if I have anything on my mind to just speak it, so I will hold him to that in the future.

Overall, it was a terrific way to ring in the new year and I don't think I would have changed a thing.
Here's to new beginnings. 

December

I know, I know, I know. 

My posts have been far and few between in the past few months.

Mostly cause, well, there's very little to write about. 

So, here's an attempt at catching up. 

I do have a date coming up next week. He's one of the guys I have been talking to that I mentioned last week. I'm kind of excited, but I am not having high hopes since there is some distance between us. However, he seems like a fun guy (fungi! I wonder if he's a cremini) and outgoing. I'll give it a shot, but have my guard up about the whole thing. 

As for the other dude I was talking to, it went something like this:

He asked if I wanted to get drinks this past weekend. I said yes and that any day would work.

Well, prior to that, he asked me a question which might be my biggest pet peeve of online dating.

"So, have you gone out on a lot of dates with guys from this site?" 

Buddy, it is NONE of your business how many guys I've gone on dates with from online dating. I'm not going to tell you, "Oh yea, I go out on lots of dates. I've even started a blog about it! If you're lucky, you'll make it on there!" Well, he got lucky cause he's now on here, but not in a good way. 

So then I didn't hear from him after he asked about drinks. I decided to send him my number. This is the text convo we had:

"Hey sorry things been hectic. This is "Aaron" from [online dating site]. So I want be honest I kind of started talking to someone and want to see where it goes." 

Talking.... not seeing? You've been TALKING to this girl who has blown you away so much that you are blowing me off for drinks? Right. 

My reply: "Well, best of luck to you then"

HIS REPLY: "Thanks. if want talk maybe hang out as friends would still be cool talk."

Buddy, I am not on this site to make friends. I have enough guy friends. If I wanted to make new friends, I'd go join a kickball team or play golf or something that involves meeting new people NOT ONLINE. 

What is wrong with some folks? I appreciate the honesty, however, use some tact. Good googa mooga. 

Anyways, I got this message this past week. Thought it was a tad funny:

"By any chance did you happen to do the Run For Your Lives around Halloween this year? It was really fun! 5K ... with mud and obstacles ... and zombies."

I didn't know I gave off the "I think zombies are the shit" vibe. 

So, that's my life in a nutshell. "Help, I'm trapped in a nut shell!" 

I'm not sure if you noticed, but I kind of like puns. 

A Gem of an Email

I got this gem of an email. 

"Hey what's up? Your very sexy and i have a thing for women who wear heels like stillettos /strappy heels. Do you wear things like that? I really find you attractive and I'd like to know if u would want to chat more on yahoo or something? Do you have a yahoo name?"

Yea, there's a winner. 

Drinking and Online Dating Don't Mix

Hello.

I did something dumb.

I went out drinking and then came home and decided to message the ginger who I met at homecoming.

Here's how it went:

Title: Yo

Message:

Alright "Ginger",

I thought you were pretty awesome when I met you. This whole homecoming/online dating thing is weird, and I honestly will admit homecoming was kinda hazy. Anyways, I thought you seemed like a cool dude n then you popped up as the single out match of the day. I thought I'd go ahead n message you. Anyways, here's an attempt at messaging you. I hate to beat around the bush so here's to cutting the chase. I think you're awesome and I'll leave it at that. If the feeling isn't mutual, alrighty, I understand. Have a great thanksgiving and see ya around either way! Ttyl!

"Me"

Soooooo, he hasn't messaged back. 

I'm still single.

Yea. 

That happened. 

Hand to face. 

WHOAH; pretty much sums it up.

I have an update. 

Yesterday, while sitting at the doctor's office, I was playing around on my phone when all of a sudden it vibrates.
I thought "That's weird. Did someone just try and call me?"

I checked back to my call log and BAM. 

Yes sir, someone sure did. 

"Tom" did. 

I KNOW. I'm as shocked as you are! 

I was quite confused and literally in SHOCK. 

I have no idea if they even called my name to go back to the exam room. 

I was literally sitting there going "WTF?!"

Anyways, he even left a VOICE MAIL. 

I KNOW! 

So I listened to it. It went like this: 

"Hey, [me]. It's "Tom" calling it's about 10 to 4:00pm on Thursday, I wanted to call you n get a hold of you and  see what you are up to and how you've been. I was hoping that we could kinda get together sometime maybe next week, grab a bite to eat or something. Sorry, I've been kinda distant so I just wanted to talk to you about it. When you get a chance, give me a call back or whatever is easiest for you. Alright, talk to you later."

I was stunned. I didn't know what to think and I don't know what to think, still. 

Here'e my problem; guys seem to always do this to me. 

They disappear and then POOF, they come crawling back for more. 

I'm not sure what it is. I've been told I do this sexy lip thing. Maybe its my curvaceous bod. Maybe its my wit and charm. Maybe because I'm just down right awesome. Yea, I'm thinking what you're thinking; it's all of that. (Insert Sarcasm)

Anyways, after confiding in my closest male cohorts, as well as one married chick and one single chick, I decided to do this; call him back. Why? Simply because of curiosity. 

I want to hear what he has to say. I had already moved on from him and accepted the fact that he's just not that into me. I grieved, I wept some, and I ate junk food. All over a guy I saw for a few weeks. Yea, imagine what happens when I go through a break up; not pretty. (Are any break ups ever?) 

So, I finally got around to calling him back. I was prepared to listen and then speak my little mind that this behavior has been crap and I am not a happy camper about it. 

I got his voice mail.

I left a short message saying that it was me, what time, just returning his call, and to give me a call back whenever. Simple and short. Boom. 

About 30 min later, I was standing in the kitchen mixing lemonade and Fire Fly (hey, it was Thursday evening, don't judge) and had the UNC-VT game on. I thought to myself "Hmm, if he calls, would I be able to hear my phone over the tv?" The answer was no, or at least not in time. 

By the time I realized my phone was ringing, I had Fire Fly in hand which I finished pouring (priorities) and then darted across the living room to turn down the TV, which I FOR WHATEVER REASON couldn't turn it down because remotes are my kryptonite. By the time I grabbed my phone, I had missed the call. 

So, I immediately called right back. 

OF COURSE, he doesn't answer. 

Side note: why does this always happen? I think this is one of my top 5 pet peeves, when you call someone, miss it, call right back, and they don't answer. UM, WHY? 

Moving on..... He didn't leave another voice mail and neither did I. About 10 minutes later I decided to just send a quick text, because I was flustered and confused. No response back. 

I'm not surprised because he wakes up at 4:45am every morning and as a result goes to bed around 8ish. 

So for now, I'll wait and see what happens next. 

I'm curious as to what the outcome will be and if he'll get back in touch. 

And also, what he has to say for himself.

Another funny note; one of the sites does "Picks of the day" and I had two VERY INTERESTING picks. 

First up, the ginger. So, during homecoming weekend, I met this Ginger (redhead, for all of you who don't know the term) through friends and we made out a lot that night and ended up falling asleep on the hotel floor together. Next morning was awkward, to say in the least, but we're Facebook friends, so if he really wanted to get in touch with me again, he knows how. Anyways, a few weeks ago, I noticed he viewed my profile on the online dating website. When I logged in last night, BOOM, there he was. MY PICK OF THE DAY. This site really thinks we'd hit it off. Little does it know that we already did. 

Anyways, now he can see that I viewed him, again. Awkward. 

Second, one of my close guy friends was also a pick, yesterday. I sent him a text letting him know that he was one of my picks of the day. He texted back saying that I should click yes. I said I had already clicked no, but thought about clicking yes. In return, I "winked" at him instead. This is all out of fun. 

I'm not interested in him and I think the feeling is mutual. 

We're good friends and that's where it will stay. 

So, yesterday was eventful in terms of dudes. Almost tidal-wave-esque, you could say. 

"The Bet"

So, I've been holding out on you. I received this gem of a message a few weeks ago, but alas, here it is.

Title: The Bet
Message: Buddy of mine was looking over my shoulder and claimed that - you look like someone who will date a starving artist but marry a doctor. I came to your defense, of course, but now we've got a $20 bet. Am I about to lose $20?
-R

PS: Don't be too turned off by the text in my profile :)


Alright, I was half tempted to respond and not by answering his question. It would have gone like "You're an ass and so is your friend." Aside from being an ass, where on God's green earth does this guy think this type of message is going to pick up a lovely lady like myself? I haven't the slightest clue who would respond nor know any woman who would actually find this in any way attractive. And no, he wasn't hot.

Random Message....

I don't know how these come my way, but they sure are interesting.

Title: I want to chill with you.

Message: Holler back soon please. :)

(His Name)

Well, with an enthralling message like that, how could I possibly wait!

Care for a spot of tea?

Got this message yesterday:

Message: "Hi, let's meet for some tea." 

That was it. 

Lady friend

Apparently I appeal to the ladies as well. Received this odd message yesterday evening:

Subject: Hi!
Message:
Hi! I hope that you're not offended, but I looked at your profile and thought you looked gorgeous! 

How is (dating site) working out for you? I thought (dating site) might be an interesting channel to reach out to other girls who are interested in making new friends.... 

Hope to hear back ;) (name) x


I'm flattered, but no thank you.

Um....No.

Received another odd message yesterday evening.

It reads...

Subject: Int

Message: Suggar daddy?




That was it. Nothing else.

No, 42 year old man (yes, 42), I don't want a suggar daddy nor a sugar daddy. However, if we are talking about the candy, I'll have one. But no, I won't be having one of you nor your sugar babies either (also a delicious candy).

WTF?!

I know, I owe you all a post about my date from Friday night. But in the mean time.....

Got this message this evening:

Subject: Looks like there's some pain behind those eyes.

Message: Looks like there's some pain behind those eyes.


Um.... am I supposed to respond to this? How does one even respond to this?! What the (bleep) is this?!

Message from a "Kevin 2" aka "Johnny Drama"

So, I received this message from a 35 year old guy who already gave himself an alias of "Johnny Drama." Yes, referring to the guy from Entourage, aka the Sex and the City show for men.

"Lawyer Looking for His Partner in Crime and more"

"Hi,

"Ready for an ark yet?! It's bad enough the summer is over; Mother Nature is really reminding us. So, I was going through profiles, and was stopped in my tracks when I found you. Your pics are great; you are very photogenic; so very lucky! And your profile, while brief, is very intriguing . . .

"First, let me say- I love your honesty and attitude -- it is very refreshing and we should strive to have honesty, optimism and and positivity in our life. Life is too short for worry, regret and fretting.

"So, about me, what to say beyond my profile. As it states, I am originally from NYC, live and work in DC. I am of Greek/ Mediterranean background. I went to Penn.
While I am a lawyer I try to remain involved in a number of creative ventures, and just represented a nonprofit in a pro bono case. My other ventures including some photography and some start up tech.

"I think that we have a freakish amount in common -- as I also am very much into spending quality time with friends. I say - perhaps you agree -- you can be in the worst place on earth, but as long as you with your friends, it will be ok.

"If we met up, I would love to show you some of the new bistros, wine bars and boutiques around my part of town, near U Street, 14th. Would love to share an afternoon with you and learn more about you counsel.

"Is it possible for me to lure you out?

"Hope to hear from you"
"Johnny Drama" (aka "Kevin 2")

Sigh. Where to start..... As far as I know, lawyers don't commit the crimes (generally) and are trying to become partner, not look for one to commit offenses with. No, I am not ready for an ark, but maybe a cruise ship... but just not with you. I hate NYC/NY as whole (sorry, but I'm not sorry, and go Skins!). The only thing we have in common is that we both like me. And I will not, repeat... NOT be going over to YOUR part of town if we were to EVER meet up as a FIRST date. My name is not counsel, bitch, nor is it Carrie Bradshaw. Last I checked, I don't burrow down a hole in the ground which I need to be lured out of; as far as I know I'm not ground hog, mole, or chipmunk.

I really wish I could display the profiles that are associated with these messages because it really does add to the overall essence of how ridiculous these guys are and can be. I will tell you that the actor in the above photo I find more attractive than "Kevin 2" himself.

"Aaron" strikes again.

So I needed more writing material and in an act of desperation, I messaged "Aaron" back. Yes, the guy who started off talking about how he was a fugitive midget. Here it is folks:

My response:
Hey "Aaron",

So, at first, I honestly wasn't sure what to make of your message, haha. I was a bit confused at first but then eventually realized you are joking, or at least I hope you are.

I apologize for the delay response; life has gotten in the way between work, moving and settling into the new place.

Anyways, where about do you like to go out on the weekends? What have you enjoyed most about DC? What type of degree did you just finish up?

As for the ice skating, I meant being about to at least just get out there and not be glued to the wall. I used to figure skate back in the day and still try to get out on the ice whenever I seem to get a chance. Good for you for being able to be on your feet!

Hope you have been well and ttyl!
(Me)


His response:
(Me),
Nope, not a midget. Sorry, to begin by disappointing and misleading you, I think that’s supposed to come far later in a relationship than the initial introduction, ha. But hey, I had to at least fake some excitement to draw you in. Although, my midget story is remarkable, the boring truth is that I work in the House of Representatives doing energy and natural resources policy, I’m 6”3”, and have never even been arrested let alone to jail. Boring and standard issue, I know.

I just finished up a Masters in Public Policy. I went b/c it seemed like the logical next step following an undergrad degree in political science—short of going to law school that is. It wasn’t the easiest thing to do while working full-time, but manageable. However, it was more tolerable because the National Guard paid for it, which is always nice. I was in Army ROTC in undergrad, briefly served in the Army after college, and now I dabble in the Virginia National Guard one weekend a month.

Where’d you move to? I like H St, Georgetown, and Capital Hill best, but am pretty much open to anywhere on the weekends. What abt you?

Ok, I'd love to type more but I'm on my way out to my job as a bouncer over at the strip club. After that, I need to stop and pay off my bookie for my gambling losses from the past week. Once finished there, I'll be heading over to Anacostia to score my daily fix, but I'm sure you know how that goes. Actually, right now, I’m on vacation in (beach) and its abt time to hit the beach.

"Aaron"

I think that's enough from this guy.

Hiatus ended... by "Matt 2"

Arlighty, back to work. The long weekend was extremely relaxing and fun after a less than desired summer.

Got another gem of an email. I just found it creepy, mostly because I can see his picture and you can't and no, I won't share. But to give you an idea, he is a 35 year old white male seeking women between the ages of 18-50. Yikes.

"Im not that good at writing emails to strangers but bear with me.I read your profile and there was something about it that caught my eye.I have a feeling that there is more to you than your looks but lets see if your as nice,interesting,and attractive as you are in the pictures.Im willing to bet that you've gotten about 700 emails so far from dirty old married men wanting to be your sugar daddy.If thats what your used to then this email is refreshing.Im not one to talk about myself to much but im 35,tall,attractive,have my act together and im really funny.So if you dont like to laugh then were in trouble.Worst case?you might make a cool friend.So lets get together for a drink/coffee sometime..... 'Matt 2'" 


Pass.

A Message from "Aaron"

I kid you not, I received this message.

"Hey,

"While not being quite sure on the etiquette of [Dating Site], I noticed you on this, so I’ll take a moment to introduce myself to you.

"Recently, I escaped from prison. Now, don’t be alarmed, it was only a minimum security institution. Being a midget made it easier to burrow under the fence and crawl through the pipes and whatnot to gain my freedom. Now that I’m out, I figured it was time to dive back into the dating scene. And let me tell you, dating on the outside is a whooooole lot different than “dating” on the inside. Being a midget fugitive doesn't leave me many options but, in time, I'm sure that you will learn to love me.

"That being said, as you can tell from my pictures, in fact, I am not a midget. Instead, I live and work in the Capital Hill area of the city and have been here for a few years. Recently, I finished up grad school, and thankfully, now have some extra time on my hands. When not stealing tips off the tables at restaurants or throwing sand in the eyes of children on the playground, I'm out with friends, golfing, or sailing. I hope to hear from you.

"Aaron"

"PS. Now, by able to ice skate, are we talking spins and whatnot? If so, I’m not your man, but I did go to that ice skating on the mall once and I can proudly say I spent more time on my feet than on by butt."

I just couldn't find it in me to respond. Something about the mentioning of the midget/jail situation was off-putting. Not really sure what to make of that. Yes, I know he was joking about that (let's hope).