Neglected and Catching Up.

Yes, I know. This blog has been quite neglected. I wish I had something exciting to write, but I don't. Well, kinda, but not really. It's been two months, and one would think "Two months, that's plenty of time for lots of awkward dates!" Not a whole lot, but I do have two to report.

The first was with Craft Beer guy, the family friend's friend that I mentioned back in May. We met up for drinks one weeknight and it went pretty well, but not well enough. Conversation did not lag one bit, but that's because he kept talking and talking and talking. I had a nice evening, but overall I didn't feel like there was much for us to go off of. The connection just wasn't there. He walked me back to my place and along the way I got the sense he wanted to hold hands, so I just crossed my arms instead. Eh. After we said goodbye, I never heard from him again. And that was ok. But I did hear about him again.

So as you might recall, originally my mother was involved. And I didn't want her to be. I never told her that I went on a date with this guy, and after it didn't amount to anything, I didn't see any reason to say anything. Wellllllll, my family friend "Paul" decided to mention it to his mother, "Mrs. Marvel," or it just so happened to come up in passing. Well, his mother told my mother, and eventually it came full circle.

My mother felt the opportune time to discuss this was at brunch for Father's day. As we were discussing a completely different topic, she all of a sudden asked "Have you talked to "Paul," lately? When was the last time you spoke with him?"

Gulp. "Um... no, not recently... we were just talking about [whatever it was we were talking about]. What does this have to do with that?"

Mom: "Oh nothing. I was just wondering. So, Mrs. Marvel said that you messaged "Paul"."  Right then, our food came. I have never been so happy to see food in my life. The conversation ended. Thank you, Big Man Upstairs.

A month later..... my parents and I are at dinner, and again, my mother switches gears and brings up a new topic. She starts to go on and on how "Mrs. Marvel" told her about my date and everything she had heard about it. My mother then asks, "So do you still talk to this young man?"

Me: "No."
Mom: "Why?"
Me: "He never called me back."
Mom: "Did you not show enough interest?" (How motherly of her)
Me: "No, I just don't think there was enough chemistry."

The convo fizzled from there. I informed my mother that I go on lots of dates, I just don't tell her about them since they never amount to anything, and same went for Craft Beer guy. No sense in talking someone up who isn't going to stick around.

The second was different and unexpected. I went to a 4th of July party on the 3rd of July, because that makes sense (well, it does, because we had the 4th off, being a national holiday and all, so it's expected to go out the night before a day off). Anyways, I met a guy there. And he was quite awesome. We were chatting it up and he asked if I wanted to go on a walk right then. I said "Yes," and as we started down the drive way, our friends stopped us. We got held up in the driveway and eventually went inside to watch my friend's sky diving video. Then we continued to chat and he asked if I wanted to go for a walk again. I said yes, and again we got held up, but this time in the kitchen. Eventually it got late, so I decided to head out. I was bummed that I didn't exchange numbers with this guy, and thought about it the whole ride home.

When I got home, I decided to take some initiative. I found this guy on Facebook via the event invite list, and decided to message him. It went like this:

Me: "Just let me know if you ever want to go on that walk sometime!"
Him: "Haha, I do enjoy a nice walk."
Me: "Well, if the next time you'd like some company, just give me a call! 555-555-5555."
Him: "Sweet deal. You'll have my number soon. ;) "
Me: "Awesome! Can't wait! :) "

So a day passed, and one Monday night, I got a call from a number I didn't know. I typically don't answer numbers I don't know. But I do look up the number in case it's some telemarketer or such. Nada. But, I then noticed I had a voicemail! HE CALLED! I was ecstatic. When guys actually call, it is major points in my book.

I eventually called him back after being talked down by my girlfriend and got most of the nervous jitters out. He answered, and we started chatting away. It felt so natural and I had never felt more comfortable talking to someone before. We made plans to hang out that Wednesday. After my golf lesson (yes, I attempt to play golf), I gave him a call to see if we were still on. And we were! He suggested coming to his apartment to make omelettes. Now, I said yes, but was very guarded. I did not like that he suggested his apartment for a first date. But I decided to go with it just to see what happens. I got there, and we scrambled, we sliced, we diced, we sauted. It was probably one of the best dates I had been on. We then watched tv as we ate our delicious omelettes. Afterwards, we went on that walk, finally. It got late, and eventually I had to head home. It was really one of the best dates I had been on and with someone I felt so comfortable and like myself around.

A few days passed, and I hadn't heard from him. He mentioned he was going out of town for the weekend, so I figured I wouldn't hear from him and I didn't want to initiate anything myself. Eventually the weekend came to an end, and Monday came and went. Tuesday afternoon, I decided I'd give him a call. So much for not initiating. But I decided I'd give him a call, say I had fun hanging out last week, and would like to hang out again. If he didn't want to, that's ok. There would be my answer. So I called, and said just that; I had a nice time, would like to hang out again, and if not, that's fine. I had left this in a voice mail, and not more than 10 minutes later, he called back! He said he had been planning on calling me to hang out again (skeptical). We made plans to hang out again after my golf lesson that Wednesday.

I gave him a ring, and we decided to go play basketball at a nearby park. It was a ton of fun! If there is one thing I like doing, it's something interactive. We played basketball, then we tossed a Frisbee around until the sprinklers came on unexpectedly, and then hit some tennis balls. It was a ton of fun, but I did feel like something was slightly off. I disregarded it and told myself to just go with the flow. We went back to his apartment again, ate dessert and watched one of my favorite shows 'Modern Family." It was starting to get late and I thought that overall it had gone pretty well.

Then out of the blue, he says "So, I have some bad things to say." (Who says that, honestly?) And that's when I went into shock. He proceeds to go on saying that although he's enjoyed hanging out, he's not looking for a relationship, and the feelings of not wanting a relationship are still greater than feelings towards me. He starts on about his past relationships and how they were bad, and what he didn't like about them, etc. I'm sitting there, taking this all in. Finally, I pipe up and give him my two cents.... or ... maybe more. I told him I appreciated his honesty, however I felt like he was jumping the gun. We hung out twice. TWICE. Did I mention twice? And with this, I felt like he didn't give me a fair shot. Also, if he already felt this way before this date, then he shouldn't have returned my call and we shouldn't be sitting there on his couch. Overall, he pretty much wanted the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship, if you get my drift. I told him HELL-TO-THE-NO, and that I wasn't the girl he's looking for currently. I also told him how I once was in a relationship that going into it had a definite end, and it ended badly. We both went into it not wanting anything serious, and it got seriously ugly. So I passed along my words of wisdom to this guy that he can't go into a relationship that has a definite end and think it will come out all rainbows and butterflies. It won't.

We left it as being friends and that I would call him to hang out.

I have not called him and don't plan to.

Update:"Tom"

Learned today that "Tom" is moving into my apartment building sometime this summer.

Yea. 

Scum

So it's been a while.... but here's a short story.

This past Friday evening, I went out with some friends to a  fine "Chinese" establishment (sarcasm) in the Northern Virginia area for some beers. While we were out and about, this VERY tall guy was standing next to me at the bar trying to order some drinks. As he was waiting, we started chatting and flirting and he seemed like a fairly nice, fun guy. After a little while, he asked for my number and I was like "Sure," and why the hell not? Let's see what happens. Well, fail number one: when he went to pull his phone out of his pocket, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter also fell out. Ew ew ew; no smoking, please. After he (I) put my number in his phone, I was beginning to realize how drunk this guy was; his speech was slightly slurred, wasn't making much sense and couldn't operate his phone. I realized that this wasn't going much further.

We continued talking/flirting and he put his hand out to see how it compared in size to mine; his were HUGE and mine seemed like the size of a 3 year-old's. It was actually kind of a turn off how tall he was because I myself am just barely 5'4" and he was literally a skyscraper in comparison. Anyways, when we were comparing hands, that is also when I noticed he had on a WEDDING RING. I don't know what possessed him, but he took off his ring and put it on my left ring finger, and held my hand up in the air. I proceeded to take it off and said "So, you're married?" and he said "Yes." I then proceeded to ask "So where is your wife, then?" in which he responded "Oh she's coming later. She's 1-1/2 months pregnant."

EXCUSE ME? What the HELL are you doing out at a bar, hitting on girls, getting their numbers, taking off your wedding ring and then proceeding to put it on these other girls' fingers while your PREGNANT WIFE is off on her own somewhere and completely unaware of your behavior? I understand "nights off" and going out with your friends and doing your own thing away from your spouse; breaks can be good, but hitting on girls when you're married and acting like this? This is unacceptable and speaks volumes about your character, or lack there of.

The next thing I know, his friend, who is about 4 feet away, says "Hey can I get a picture of you two?" I firmly say "NO" and proceed to turn around so my face is away from the camera. Both guys still try to get me to take a photo and I continue to say "Hell no, I'm not taking a photo with you." I realize this was some game they were playing and I wasn't going to have any part of it. Then, this guy tries to apologize, in which I say "If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done this in the first place." If he knows what he did was wrong, then he shouldn't have done so to begin with knowing it's not appropriate behavior. I proceed to ignore him and get back to talking with my friends.

Unbelievable.

Craft Beer

Alright, so here's a better story.

One evening I am sitting on my couch, minding my own business, and I get a ring from the parents. Or maybe I called them, I can't remember. Anyways, my mother answers and she asks me what is new and such, and just small chit chat. However, I could tell there was something on her mind. And then... she spoke....

Mom: "Sooooo Mrs. "Marvel" came over to the house this past weekennnnd, and we were chattinnnng, and she asked if you were seeing anyone! I said 'She sees friends but I don't think she's seeing anyone!"

I said, ".............ok."

Mom: "Soooo she said that "Paul" has a friend who is looking to date! ("Paul" being Mrs. "Marvel's" son who is my age). She said that he's tried those online dating sites but nothing has worked out!"

Me: ".....................ok."

Mom: "Anyways, he's really into craft beer!................ So........"

Me:"............. I like beer."

Mom: "GREAT! I'll tell her you're interested!!!!!!!!!!"

Me:".................................."

Now, I wasn't sure what to think of this whole thing. Although a guy who likes craft beer is just utterly alluring, I wasn't sure how I felt about my mother being so involved.

Me;" Does this guy even have a name?"

Mom:"Oh I don't know, I don't remember. Umm..... uhhhh.... OH! It's uh, 'Peter,' that's it, it's 'Peter.'"

Me: "Um, 'Peter' what? Does this kid have a last name?"

Mom: "Oh I have no idea; I can't remember."

Dad from the depths of the background: "'Murphy!'"

Mom:"That's right! 'Murphy!'"

I'm thinking, how on earth did my father remember this kid's last name? What the hell is going on here? Anyways, we wrap up the conversation and I tell myself don't think anything of it unless my mother gives me a ring back.

A week later, while at work I notice that I get a call from "Home" on my cell phone, but don't answer since I am at work, and if it is an emergency, they know my work number where I'd be happy to answer. So I didn't think anything of it and continued on with my day. Later that evening, "Home" calls me again. It wasn't a good time for me to answer, but I called them back. My mother answered.....

Mom:"Soooo I spoke with Mrs. "Marvel" ............ and uh...... she suggested dinner on Sunday!"

Me:"............. huh?"

Mom: "Dinner on Sunday! What do you think?! Of course "Paul" would be there with his girlfriend."

Me: "Wait.... .......... So it would be me, you and dad, Mr. and Mrs. "Marvel," "Paul" and his girlfriend, and then this guy?"

Mom: "Well, yea, I assume so!"

Me:"...............................................no."

Mom: "Awwww really? Are you sure?"

Me:" Yea................. no."

A few minutes later...

Mom: "Well how are you supposed to meet this guy?!"

Me:"Mom, fate will figure it out."

Mom:"Oh ok."

I don't think I could think of a more mortifying experience of going on a BLIND DATE with MY PARENTS and another set of PARENTS to meet a family friend's friend. I mean, what the hell, why not invite "Peter's" parent's while we're at it?!

Here's a list of reasons I am opposed to this:
1. When I show up at the house, I guarantee my mother would say something along the lines of "You decided to wear that?"
2. Everyone will know why we are there; to set me up with my "future husband." (I'm positive that's how my mother sees it).
3. I won't be able to be myself around everyone.
4. Too much pressure to get to know this guy.
5. My mother would do all the talking and grill this guy to death about his family, where he's from, his education, his job, etc.
6. Too much of an opportunity to be utterly humiliated.
7. The most awkward goodbye ever.
8. My mother harassing me if I have heard from "Peter" and if we have a date planned and then how it went and such.
9. My mother being too involved in my love life for my own liking.
10. Me going insane.

I told a few folks about this situation and they were like "Do it for the blog!" And I responded with "Hell no." Although this blog could have used it, it was not worth it to me to go through all that, especially since I'm apathetic to dating at the moment.

However, I gave it more thought. And here's what I concluded: Mrs. "Marvel" and her family have been close to our family for over 20 years, and if she is willing to suggest a guy for me to my mother, this guy must be alright. I feel as if she wouldn't recommend just anyone of "Paul's" friends and mom's don't just suggest their son's friends to their friends with daughters (I think....).

After a few days, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I decided to message "Paul" on Facebook since we are "friends" on this site. I gave him my number and I told him that his friend can call me if he's up to it since Sunday dinner wasn't exactly my speed. I was very nervous about doing this, but I thought, "Eh, what the hell? Why not? Worst case scenario, I don't ever get a call." And I'm ok with that.

So far, I haven't heard anything. But when I do, I'll be sure to let you all know.

Updates

Several people have asked me what happened to this blog in the past 2 months.

Fine, here's an update.

"Tom" and I still keep in touch. I figure if he wants to see me or talk to me, he has my number and knows how to get in touch. However, I have come to the realization (honestly, although I want to deny it sometimes) that its not going to go anywhere between us. We're in two different places in our lives and want different things. Friendly is going to be where it stays.

Other than that, there has been nothing. I haven't met anyone since giving up online dating, and this is how it works in the real world. I don't have dates every couple of days or every week, and although I do get out there and very frequently, meeting people on your own is a lot harder. So because of that, there are long, LONG, LONG, periods of time where I don't meet anyone. Sorry, just how the game goes. 

In addition, I just don't have the desire to put forth any effort towards someone. Call me jaded, but I've gotten tired of it all and really don't see the point of putting in effort towards a situation that won't go anywhere. I'm exhausted and really don't want to focus any of my time or attention to dating since it doesn't ever seem to end well. 

However, they always say it finds you when you stop looking.

Two different situations. I'll share one here and do another post later. 

I went out for my friend's birthday to a local bar and had myself a pretty good time. It wasn't too crowded so we were all able to mingle and get to know one another. A few drinks later, I found myself chatting it up with this guy at the end of the night. He seemed nice, but I wasn't really 100% drawn to him. As we were heading out, he asked for my number, and I obliged, after he asked me about five times. As we are exchanging numbers, I asked what his name is, and then I asked again, and again, and again. I could not for the life of me remember his name until I went to enter it into my phone. We said goodbye and parted ways. 

The next day, I was looking at my call-log and noticed a missed call from "Aaron" from the night before when we exchanged numbers. I was like "Huh? Oh yea, that guy. Ehhhhhhhh." He just became an afterthought and that was about it. 

The day after that, I was snoooozing away in an afternoon nap when my phone started ringing. It was "Aaron." I was completely shocked while also being half asleep. After I finished my nap, I called my girlfriend to get the 411 on this guy since we had only spoken briefly and I wasn't in a state to really remember anything substantial, not even his name for Pete's sake (if only he were named Pete). I met up with my girlfriend to debrief and found not much other than his age, he has a job, and that he's nice. 

Well I've got news for you; everyone is nice. A few hours later, I suppose his buddy told him I was asking about him, so he texted me. We exchanged a few, and then after I left my friend's place, I gave him a call. Annnnnnnd that's where things were a little different. After only speaking for about 5-10 minutes I realized that this was not the guy for me. Although I really appreciate that he called me first rather than texting, big points in my book (or blog), he sounded like one of the dumbest people ever. Our conversation was lack luster and there was nothing substantial to it. He was talking about the most random things, probably because he was nervous, but still, it was going nowhere. I held out for a little longer until I reached my apartment and said I was going to lose service. So, I said I'd call him back. 

I wish I hadn't. It was another 30 minutes of lack luster conversation that wasn't leading to anything. I finally said "Ok, I have to get going so I can get ready for my week and for bed" (it being a Sunday and all). He said "Ok, call me any time you want." We said "Bye" and that was the end of it. 

Call him any time I want? Buddy, I don't want to call you, I want to see where this goes and actually meet up in person. If you want to talk to girls on the phone, there's plenty of other numbers that provides that service. 

After not being impressed, I decided I didn't want to pursue this any further. He, of course, felt otherwise. The next day he texted me, then called me, and then texted me saying he was going to bed soon. However, I was busy having dinner with an old friend and catching up after too many months passing. The next day, he texted again, 3-4 separate times, and the final text saying to call him that night because he "needs to ask me something." I had enough, and replied back by saying sorry, but I am not interested. It was nice to meet him, and best of luck.

So far..... I haven't heard anything. Terrific. 

It did, however, remind me of the times that I put forth effort into someone and the feelings weren't being reciprocated. Instead of ignoring him and having him continue to contact me, I just decided to nip it right then and there and just tell him how I feel. I felt as if I was polite about it and he got an answer, and we can both move on. If only it could go like this every time.... but it doesn't. And that's when I get to blog about it. 

Stay tuned..... 

Unrequited

This is something that's been on my mind the past few days, so this post is really a stream of my thoughts, opinions, and questions that keep boggling my mind as of lately. I've seen it not only in my current situation, but also in that of others.

It's unrequited love.

I think almost everyone can relate to unrequited love to some degree.
There is always that yearning after someone who has you so blindsided that you may miss out on other, great individuals.

It's that "I like him/her but he/she doesn't like me back" situation.

I've analyzed and over analyzed this situation for days, weeks, months, possibly years on end as to how to get out of this funk.
I have no real answer, thought, nor opinion other than: time.

Time..... apart.

That's all I got for you.

Time away from said individual seems to be the only medicine that has worked best for me.
When I am in this type of situation, when I cannot for the life of me get over someone, it usually takes me some time to come to the realization when my feelings aren't being reciprocated and then it takes even more time to understand the "Why not?". And during all this time, I try to separate myself from them so I don't have any temptations or reasons to go back to the individual.
It is a sucky period of time and one I wish I could shorten.

This kind of connects back to an earlier blog post about wanting to know "why?" someone never returned your text, call, message, etc. and why things didn't work out. I understand that I'll never know why he never called back, or whatever it is he did or didn't do. However.....

I want to know why it's so difficult to get over some individuals than it is others. 
Why do we hang onto something that isn't there?
Why do we have such strong feelings for certain individuals who can't give us back what we need?
Why do we drive ourselves crazy over one person?

I try to convince myself that it's all in my mind and spin it with "I deserve someone who will treat me better. I deserve someone who will give me what I expect and demand out of a relationship. I don't deserve to be treated like this by someone.... anyone."

To an extent, I believe this is true. However, I still feel as if it only masks my feelings rather than resolving the issue at hand.
It excuses that I feel a certain way about someone that I can't seem to cut out.

You can't help how you feel, especially when something feels "different."
There is that un-explainable feeling you have as to why it feels right to you and no matter how hard you try, you can't explain that feeling to others. Or, is it just that it's nice to have someone to think about? Are we only kidding ourselves by doing this?

Overall, what I have found works best for me is recognizing that you, yes you, deserve someone who reciprocates those same feelings back and you shouldn't waste you time on someone who can't give you those feelings back. And the only way I've learned to heal those wounds from this "individual" who has caused you all this grief, is to distance yourself and give yourself the time to heal. Step back and focus on you and what you want rather than someone who can't give you what you want and need.

That's my two cents... or sand dollars, rather.

Too Small of a World

It is a small world after all and we're stuck on this Disney ride for life. Damn it. 

So, I used to play dodgeball with a social league in DC. I took a break, and now I'm back. 

It's kind of awesome, I'm not going to lie. 

However, there are LOTS of people who do dodgeball, or one of their other sports they offer (volleyball and kickball).  

After reffing a game, the team headed to the bar as per usual. While sitting around, another group walks in; I happen to turn around. 

BAM! THERE HE IS! 

THE FICKLE PICKLE STRIKES AGAIN! 

I slightly panicked. I was like, "OH CRAP. TERRIFIC. JUST WHO I'D LIKE TO SEE."

I was all jittery inside and freaking out...... and for no good reason.

Then it hit me; I shouldn't be the one freaking out; HE SHOULD.

 He's the one who never called me back! 

He's the one who bailed! 

Not I!

Why was I so freaked out?! 

Anyways, I guess I'll be seeing the Fickle Pickle every Sunday around 5pm at the bar. 

Yaaaaaaaaay. 

(Insert lots of sarcasm)

A Break.

Hello, again.

So an update. 

I haven't heard from "New Guy" since Sunday. 

Maybe he could sense that I wasn't 100% in this, or maybe I'm not his type. 

It's alright, cause I'm thinking he might not be my type either. 

Although our date was enjoyable, I just didn't feel a spark. 

I tried my best to keep an open mind and not limit my options. 

Oh well, moving on.

"Tom" and I met up this week and chatted about things. We've decided to take a step back and just be friends. 

I do enjoy spending time with him, however, right now I don't think it is the best timing. 

I'm glad we can at least be friends but disappointed I won't get to see where this could have gone. 

He really is someone that I could really see myself with and I think is the type of person who really compliments me. 

I haven't been able to say that in a long time. 

Lesson Learned: Timing is everything. 

Dazed and Confused

I did it; I went on a date with the "New Guy" this past Friday, and let me tell you, I was very pleasantly surprised! But now a little confused with myself; I'll explain below.

I was nervous going into this date for many reasons, but did it to keep an open mind and not limit my options. We decided to meet at one of my favorite restaurants that I had already been to twice for dates. It was SUPER crowded when he got there and I was running REALLY LATE. I was trying to decide which route to take and I picked wrong. For those of you in the area, you are quite familiar with the HORRIBLE traffic that plagues the nation's capital. I decided to take I-66 West at 7pm on a Friday; the only smart decision in that is not taking it between 3:00pm - 6:00pm. Whatever time it may have been, I should have taken the back roads but I sure did not make that choice. I apologized a few times for my tardiness and tried my best to get there as fast as I could.

When I finally arrived, he had put his name down since there was a wait. I felt terrible; here I was, 15-20 minutes late, and on top of that there was a 30-40 minute wait at a crowded restaurant that I had picked out that he had never been to before. I sure made quite the first impression. We made small-talk and patiently waited till our buzzer went off. Finally, it did and we were whisked away to our table.

The restaurant we went to brews their own beer and so I was excited to show him through the menu. I just realized while typing that sentence that I kind of sound like a drunk. I swear I am not; I just really enjoy trying new beers and wine. Anyways, we ordered drinks and some food; that was a little bit awkward because I had suggested drinks at 7:30pm and thought that was clear enough, and late enough, that dinner wasn't going to be an option. Well, of course he hadn't eaten and ordered dinner and I awkwardly ate my pretzel bites.

We chatted away and overall I'd say it went really well! I was really surprised how well conversation seemed to flow at first and it was not what I was expecting. From what I remember, we talked about our hobbies and things we like to do in our free time. It was fun learning what each other's likes and dislikes are and really getting to know one another. Time really flew by because when I looked at my phone I had realized over two and a half hours had gone by!

Overall, I thought this guy was really nice and I did enjoy spending the evening with him. For some reason, I just don't have that spark quite yet and would be open to the idea of a second date with him to see what more may develop between us. We have texted back and forth some since our date, but a second date has not been set up yet. If he does ask, I'll say yes to give it another go. Keeping my options open here.

Although it may be too early to get to this point, I have been thinking a lot about the pros and cons to both "New Guy" and "Tom." There are things I really like about both of them and then there are things that I'm not quite as thrilled about. This is the part that is beginning to get me really confused. I know I don't have to make a decision between the two of them right now, but it is definitely in the back of my head and something that I'm concerned with that may develop into that situation down the line. We'll see; can't worry about something that hasn't happened or exists.

Until then.... swim on.

Awkward.

Updaaate.

So, last night "Tom" contacted me to grab some drinks and dinner, and I obliged. 

We had a great time and I really do enjoy his company. 

I'm just really unsure where things are going, so for now just taking it one day at a time. 

I still have a date tonight, but feel awkward about having dinner with "Tom" last night and then getting drinks with a new guy tonight. Although I know I should keep my options open, I'm just unsure myself as to what I'm really looking for at the moment, if anything at all. 

Awkwaaard. 

And a Happy New Year it was!

First off, Happy New Year!!!

I hope you all had a great evening and celebrated it with great friends and family! 

Now for an update.

Lets see.... 

"Dude," who I still haven't met, texted me happy new years earlier in the evening. I was a bit surprised since I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks. I don't really understand the allure of texting with someone who you haven't met nor do you even talk on a regular basis that you have zero idea if there is any potential. I guess I'm a good texter? I might just be blunt with him and say "Hey, we've never met and have been talking for over a month. Do you want to set something up? Otherwise, I don't understand where this is going." Or.... well something to that effect. I don't want to feel like I'm being jerked around and I really don't see the allure of just texting with it not going anywhere. I mean, the point of these DATING sites is to meet people to DATE, right? So.... don't text me.... take me on a date. Let's see what happens. Good grief, this is exhausting. 

Again with the jerking around, I haven't heard from "New Guy" yet about setting something up for this week. I am not pumped up yet about this guy since his messages have been sparse. I'm kind of like "Why are you interested in me in the first place? We haven't even gotten to know one another! I know nothing about you and vice versa!" So, we'll see if anything happens, but I'm not holding my breath for now.

Ok, the juicy part. 
"Tom" is back in the picture. Since he was so adamant about hanging out this past week, I decided to ask him to the party I went to for New Year's Eve. He said "alright" and I gave him the details. I didn't hear much from him on the day of and felt like things were still sporadic between us; just no consistency. I got ready for the party and headed over with some friends and tried to not pay any attention to the fact that I hadn't heard from him. While enjoying myself with my friends and making new ones, I got a phone call from him! I had just missed it, so called right back. He answered and asked if he could still stop by; and I said of course! He said he'd be right over and he was. I was honestly really surprised and nervous and excited and everything all at the same time. I met him outside and we hugged hello before making our way inside. I felt like it was a little awkward because he knew very few people and we were just starting to hang out again, so I felt like there was and is some awkward tension.

Before he arrived, I wasn't sure if he wanted to be just friends or maybe something more. Well I eventually got my answer. At one point, I was catching up with an acquaintance from my dodgeball team who I hadn't seen in a while and learned that he and some other fellow dodgeballers have been reading my blog. (Hello Dodgeballers!) This meant that "Tom" was off on his own for a wee bit braving the party alone. Well, eventually it was narrowing down to midnight, so I decided to make sure "Tom" had some champagne. I noticed that something seemed off with him and I asked if he were alright; he said yes. The countdown arrived and I wasn't quite sure if he and I were going to exchange a kiss at midnight. So with an awkward moment, I turned around and hugged my friends first and then turned back to him. There was another awkward moment, but then he leaned in and it was quite clear; a kiss was in order. I smiled, gave him a peck, and said "Is that what you wanted?" He smiled and I was quite please that this is how I brought in the new year.

We eventually made way to the couch and decided to sit for a while. We chatted some, and at some point he expressed that he was a bit "jealous" that I was chatting it up with an old dodgeball teammate of mine. I assured him that he was a friend and we were catching up. I'll be honest in that I was a bit pleased to hear this because I felt like it gave me a sign that he's actually interested in me and did mind that I was out there talking to other guys. While sitting on the couch, we talked some, actually a lot, about "us," however at one point he was getting ahead of himself and I had to step in to let him know that he was doing so. I simply put that I enjoy spending time with him and right now there isn't anyone else in the picture; it's really just that. Although I am "talking" with a few guys, I have not had any dates since seeing him last nor have I met any of the guys I've been talking to. Also, I don't have very much interest in getting to know them since they haven't made an effort to see me; that doesn't exactly scream "I'm so interested in you!" by ignoring me half the time.

What I do know right now is that I like being around him and he makes me happy. I've never felt this comfortable around someone until he came along and I am really enjoying what time we do spend together. However, I'm not sure where this is going, nor am I certain that I want to pursue more if he's going to be wishy-washy with his behavior towards me. I just want to enjoy now and live in the moment; just see what develops and cross that bridge when we get there. He asked me to be honest with him and if I have anything on my mind to just speak it, so I will hold him to that in the future.

Overall, it was a terrific way to ring in the new year and I don't think I would have changed a thing.
Here's to new beginnings. 

Going out with a bang

Hello folks!!

I feel like I owe you all one last post before the new year. 

And it has also been a while. 

Not a whole lot to report but still enough to drop by and check in. 

The "Dude" I was supposed to go on a date with, and then he canceled, and then asked about rescheduling never set any rescheduled set plans. I actually haven't heard from him since last Tuesday morning and today is Thursday. I do know he's out on a cruise, but frankly I don't really care where he is at this point. He lives too far away, anyways so I suppose it's best we never went on a date. Ehh. 

"Tom" has been quite communicative this past week since we last hung out and he explained his disappearing act. I'm honestly not sure what is going on, but he is very adamant about hanging out again and soon. My game plan is to just hang out and see what happens. Since our "talk," I know I can be honest and straight forward with him if I'm confused as to what's going on. For now, I'm really not trying to think about it until something actually happens between us. If something does, I'll definitely write about it! Hold tight until then. 

In other news, I may have a date next week! New year, new guy! I have been messaging with this one guy, and although it's been quite ... I guess sparse is the best word that comes to mind right now..... in our conversations, I think it at least leaves us with plenty to talk about on a date. Since the holidays have gotten in the way, it has not made it easy in trying to schedule a date. I gave him my phone number so the ball is in his court! Stay tuned for new material! 

Happy New Year, Everyone!!!! 

Meh.

Hi, again.

So, really no movement anywhere. Dude who I was supposed to go out with last week never rescheduled, but we're still keeping in touch. However, it's starting to lose its luster. He asked about Thursday, but no concrete plans have been set, and given that tomorrow is Thursday, I don't foresee anything happening. Meh. 

Last night I grabbed drinks (I had water) with "Tom." It was interesting. I had not my best of days earlier that day so I was in a really down mood; more depressed/sad than being angry or w/e. Anyways, he still wanted to get together to "talk" and so we did. He apologized for dropping off the face of the earth and said that he got scared. He said that his thoughts got ahead of him rather than enjoying the time we were spending together at that moment. I appreciated that he wanted to meet up with me and have this conversation face to face. He asked if we could still hang out cause he did enjoy the time we spent together; I was and still am unsure. I'm just not in a place in my life anymore where I really want to see anyone nor just hang out with someone. I appreciate that he's trying to be nice and friendly, but frankly I don't really want another guy friend nor hanging out with one that I've already sort of dated; I feel like there will be some awkward tension and I rather not see him attempt to hit on other girls nor talk about other girls. However, the night was awkward but still relaxing and did lighten my mood. I'm not sure what's going to happen with "Tom," but for now, at least I got an answer. 

End of November Updates

Hi there. 

So November has been an interesting month. 

Run down of the past week(-ish):

1. No, I never heard back from "Tom."

Most likely we'll run into each other one night and it will be awkward. 

Enough about him.

2. The result of my drunk online dating messaging with the Ginger. He did reply! With this:

"Hey [Me], I think you're pretty cool too and I definitely had fun at homecoming but I kinda started dating a girl a few weeks ago and don't wanna mess anything up with that. :/" 

I replied with this:

Hey "Ginger", 

So there was some liquid courage in that message I sent you last night, if it wasn't obvious. But I will admit, I've thought about messaging you for a while and apparently got enough in me to do it. I got a great laugh out of it today and hope you did too. Thanks for the reply back and good luck with the new chick! See ya around! (Either way, apparently. I have NO idea what I meant by that, nor half of that message.)

3. I've been messaging with two guys, but neither of them have "wowed" me. One I'm attracted to, but he doesn't live near by. The other I don't find as attractive, physically and quickly developing personality-wise, but he lives near by. I might give him a shot, but I'm not expecting much. 

Frankly, I'm very exhausted from all this dating and crap. 

I really have little to no interest to continue online dating, nor dating as a whole.

I'm fine being single and I'm having lots of fun doing my own thing, which is really the most important thing to focus on. 

If someone comes along and wants to be a part of the fun; terrific. But for now, I'm going to just do me. 

It's been an experience, but it's one that I think I've had enough of. 

My subscription ends December 29th to the one site I am currently on.

I deactivated the "free" site because... well, it was free and obviously so by the types of "men" on there. 

Drinking and Online Dating Don't Mix

Hello.

I did something dumb.

I went out drinking and then came home and decided to message the ginger who I met at homecoming.

Here's how it went:

Title: Yo

Message:

Alright "Ginger",

I thought you were pretty awesome when I met you. This whole homecoming/online dating thing is weird, and I honestly will admit homecoming was kinda hazy. Anyways, I thought you seemed like a cool dude n then you popped up as the single out match of the day. I thought I'd go ahead n message you. Anyways, here's an attempt at messaging you. I hate to beat around the bush so here's to cutting the chase. I think you're awesome and I'll leave it at that. If the feeling isn't mutual, alrighty, I understand. Have a great thanksgiving and see ya around either way! Ttyl!

"Me"

Soooooo, he hasn't messaged back. 

I'm still single.

Yea. 

That happened. 

Hand to face. 

WHOAH; pretty much sums it up.

I have an update. 

Yesterday, while sitting at the doctor's office, I was playing around on my phone when all of a sudden it vibrates.
I thought "That's weird. Did someone just try and call me?"

I checked back to my call log and BAM. 

Yes sir, someone sure did. 

"Tom" did. 

I KNOW. I'm as shocked as you are! 

I was quite confused and literally in SHOCK. 

I have no idea if they even called my name to go back to the exam room. 

I was literally sitting there going "WTF?!"

Anyways, he even left a VOICE MAIL. 

I KNOW! 

So I listened to it. It went like this: 

"Hey, [me]. It's "Tom" calling it's about 10 to 4:00pm on Thursday, I wanted to call you n get a hold of you and  see what you are up to and how you've been. I was hoping that we could kinda get together sometime maybe next week, grab a bite to eat or something. Sorry, I've been kinda distant so I just wanted to talk to you about it. When you get a chance, give me a call back or whatever is easiest for you. Alright, talk to you later."

I was stunned. I didn't know what to think and I don't know what to think, still. 

Here'e my problem; guys seem to always do this to me. 

They disappear and then POOF, they come crawling back for more. 

I'm not sure what it is. I've been told I do this sexy lip thing. Maybe its my curvaceous bod. Maybe its my wit and charm. Maybe because I'm just down right awesome. Yea, I'm thinking what you're thinking; it's all of that. (Insert Sarcasm)

Anyways, after confiding in my closest male cohorts, as well as one married chick and one single chick, I decided to do this; call him back. Why? Simply because of curiosity. 

I want to hear what he has to say. I had already moved on from him and accepted the fact that he's just not that into me. I grieved, I wept some, and I ate junk food. All over a guy I saw for a few weeks. Yea, imagine what happens when I go through a break up; not pretty. (Are any break ups ever?) 

So, I finally got around to calling him back. I was prepared to listen and then speak my little mind that this behavior has been crap and I am not a happy camper about it. 

I got his voice mail.

I left a short message saying that it was me, what time, just returning his call, and to give me a call back whenever. Simple and short. Boom. 

About 30 min later, I was standing in the kitchen mixing lemonade and Fire Fly (hey, it was Thursday evening, don't judge) and had the UNC-VT game on. I thought to myself "Hmm, if he calls, would I be able to hear my phone over the tv?" The answer was no, or at least not in time. 

By the time I realized my phone was ringing, I had Fire Fly in hand which I finished pouring (priorities) and then darted across the living room to turn down the TV, which I FOR WHATEVER REASON couldn't turn it down because remotes are my kryptonite. By the time I grabbed my phone, I had missed the call. 

So, I immediately called right back. 

OF COURSE, he doesn't answer. 

Side note: why does this always happen? I think this is one of my top 5 pet peeves, when you call someone, miss it, call right back, and they don't answer. UM, WHY? 

Moving on..... He didn't leave another voice mail and neither did I. About 10 minutes later I decided to just send a quick text, because I was flustered and confused. No response back. 

I'm not surprised because he wakes up at 4:45am every morning and as a result goes to bed around 8ish. 

So for now, I'll wait and see what happens next. 

I'm curious as to what the outcome will be and if he'll get back in touch. 

And also, what he has to say for himself.

Another funny note; one of the sites does "Picks of the day" and I had two VERY INTERESTING picks. 

First up, the ginger. So, during homecoming weekend, I met this Ginger (redhead, for all of you who don't know the term) through friends and we made out a lot that night and ended up falling asleep on the hotel floor together. Next morning was awkward, to say in the least, but we're Facebook friends, so if he really wanted to get in touch with me again, he knows how. Anyways, a few weeks ago, I noticed he viewed my profile on the online dating website. When I logged in last night, BOOM, there he was. MY PICK OF THE DAY. This site really thinks we'd hit it off. Little does it know that we already did. 

Anyways, now he can see that I viewed him, again. Awkward. 

Second, one of my close guy friends was also a pick, yesterday. I sent him a text letting him know that he was one of my picks of the day. He texted back saying that I should click yes. I said I had already clicked no, but thought about clicking yes. In return, I "winked" at him instead. This is all out of fun. 

I'm not interested in him and I think the feeling is mutual. 

We're good friends and that's where it will stay. 

So, yesterday was eventful in terms of dudes. Almost tidal-wave-esque, you could say. 

The weekend came and went... just like "Tom"

Hello folks!

So, I guess to give you the final update on "Tom," is that there isn't much to update since last week. 

I ended up texting him Thursday afternoon and it went like this:

Me: "Hey hows your week going? How'd your weekend turn out in PA? Didn't realize you were going out of town again."

"Tom": "Its good. I'm working saturday 6-4pm for overtime work, kinda sucks. PA was fun I hadn't seen my buddy in forever so it was good to see him. How have you been?"

Me: "That sucks ass you have to work Saturday. This week has been busy at work n prepping for stuff next week so its not too crazy. Other than that, can't complain! 

That was Thursday evening. 

I haven't heard from him since.

Nor do I CARE to hear from him.

I'm very disappointed. 

Not sure where things went south, but they did.

I get it, you're just not that into me. 

Next. 

A week later...

Alrighty, folks. 

I've left you hanging for a week now. 

Here's the situation:

"Tom" and I hung out last Wednesday evening  and things went alright. So I thought, at least. 

Before he had left, we chatted briefly about when we were going to hang out again next. 

It went like this:

"Tom": "What works for you this weekend?"

Me: "Saturday is good."

"Tom": "Ok, Saturday it is." 

Well, then Thursday passed by, no word from him. That's ok. 

Friday passed by, no word from him. Eh, ok. 

Friday night, after a few drinks with friends and hanging out at a local bar, I sent him a text since I was thinking about him: "Hey What are you up to?" No response. 

Saturday: nothing all day. 

Finally, I bit the bullet and sent him a text:

Me: "Hey did you still want to do something tonight?"

"Tom": "Hey I'm in Pennsylvania tonight."

Me: "Oh ok have fun"

I have not heard from him since. 

Not quite sure what happened. 

We've seen each other once a week now for the past 4 weeks.

Been in communication. 

Up until now.

I was quite startled that he was out of town. 

He didn't mention anything about going out of town anytime soon.

He had been out of town the weekend before. 

I was surprised, and still am. 

It's been about 5 days now since I have heard from him.

I don't think I'll hear anything else from him unless I say something first. 

I'm disappointed, mostly because, I thought things were alright and we were on the same page.

Apparently not. 

I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do now.

I've gone back and forth as to whether I might shoot a text his way to see if he still exists. 

However, nothing has been done nor said yet. 

Maybe that's for the best? 

Not really all that much of a happy camper.

The Toilet Situation

So, last time I left you, I was very unsure as to what was going on with my life and quite done with this whole dating thing.

Eh, well I still kind of am, but not. Not everything has gone down the crapper (ba-dum-shhh). Over the past week, there has been more talk between "Tom" and I and it seems to have picked up, again. One thing I think I'm having a hard time dealing with is that things between us are going kind of "slow" for my liking and I've had a really hard time trying to figure out what the hell is going on. But... it has been good for me to be taking things at a slower pace; something that I haven't really experienced with previous relationships.

"Tom" and I have kept in touch over the past week and tried to get together this past weekend but that fell through. Really fell. Fell right down into the crapper. Literally.

"Tom" was out of town this weekend but asked me Sunday about hanging out later that night. I said sure, come on over, and was expecting him almost any minute. Well, a minute turned into several minutes, which turned into a half hour, which turned into an hour, and then hours. That's right; he never showed up. I. was. pissed. Livid, really. 

Back up a few days, I had been wondering just how into me he really is and have had a lot of trouble being convinced that someone actually is attracted to me. This is an insecurity that I've been trying to work on and trying to muster up some sense that someone out there in this ocean, there is another fish that digs this fish, baggage and all.

Anyways, I didn't hear from him the rest of the night. I was really confused, oh yea, and pissed off. Did he decide he didn't want to come over? Did he fall asleep? Did his roommates drag him into something? What the heck is going on? I kinda freaked.

I texted him an hour later asking if everything was alright. Nada.

Next day; generally if I text him late, he'll respond the next morning. However, I didn't get anything. I was even more pissed. I have had this happen to me so many times and have been jerked around so much that frankly, I'm over it. I'm tired of dating, tired of playing games, tired of it all. I was vowing to take a long hiatus from the dating world if I never heard from him again.

So, of course I discussed and digested the situation with my close cohorts. Do I text him again? Do I call him? Do I wait? What do I do? And here is what I decided: to do nothing. That's right, I waited. I decided that if he wanted to come around and explain himself, he can and I will let him know that this behavior will not be tolerated. Otherwise, it's not worth my time and energy to go fishing after him for a half ass explanation.

And that is exactly what happened folks. Later that afternoon, he came around and I got a text from him. And it read:

"Hey!! I dropped my phone in the toliet last night.... I don't have your number [written down, I assume] either and I forgot which apt u are!! Sorry. Just got it fixed..."

Ok, I wasn't sure what to believe. I was like.... really? He dropped it in the toilet? Should I really believe this? This is absurd. What kind of excuse is this?

Then I thought about it. I've dropped my phone in the toilet, and more times than I'd like to admit. I decided it must be somewhat true, and knowing him as much that I do, this was entirely possible and I knew he was unsure as to which apartment I live in.  But I wasn't sure how to respond. So I came up with this:

"Hahahahahahahhahah oh lordy"

I mean, what else was I supposed to say? I could have been a huge bitch and been like "Really? Then prove it." but I didn't want to be like that. I kept my cool.

So, then we texted throughout the evening and the convo went well. I then found the confidence in me to believe that perhaps he really did drop it in the toilet. However, after that evening, I didn't hear from him. Back to being confused.

Wednesday afternoon, I decided I'd shoot him a text. He has been looking for a new car so I was curious if he was successful in finding one. He responded back with that he had found one, but he would text me more after work. And he did. We went back and forth and finally I enticed him to come hang out with watching regular tv and some wine. I think it was more the wine than the tv that got him.

He came over and it was awkward. I opened the door and he walked in. What was I supposed to do? Hug him? Kiss him? Tackle him? Do nothing? So, nothing I did. I had already poured myself some wine so when he got there I poured himself a glass, too.

Then we sat on either side of the couch. Yes, I'm in middle school. I wasn't sure what to do because I was so nervous that he was actually here, living and breathing, in my living room, on my couch. It was awkward at first but I tried to make chit-chat to sound like I was interested in him. After a while, we got more comfortable around one another and things clicked. By the end of the evening we were cuddled up on my couch and watching one of my favorite shows. Overall, it turned into a successful evening.

Lesson learned: to trust more. I think I need to trust in others more, as well as myself. With time, I think this will get better and I'll learn that not everyone is an asshole. Time does amazing things for tricky situations and especially so when it comes to dating and relationships.