One Year

So I just realized this blog turned one year old last Wednesday! Happy Birthday? Um... ok.

In the past year (and 3 months, because I didn't actually start this blog till 3 months after I began the whole "let's try online dating," thing), I went on dates with 18 different guys. Some good, some bad, some really bad. Overall, it was a fun (and also at times not fun) adventure! At least I got some good stories out of it and I hope you enjoyed reading about my happenings as they happened.

Alright... Year Two? Yea.... I don't know about that.

And for the record, I DO NOT, repeat, DO NOT continue to do online dating. I stopped in December 2011 and I have not, and will not, go back. Just wanted to make that clear.

Neglected and Catching Up.

Yes, I know. This blog has been quite neglected. I wish I had something exciting to write, but I don't. Well, kinda, but not really. It's been two months, and one would think "Two months, that's plenty of time for lots of awkward dates!" Not a whole lot, but I do have two to report.

The first was with Craft Beer guy, the family friend's friend that I mentioned back in May. We met up for drinks one weeknight and it went pretty well, but not well enough. Conversation did not lag one bit, but that's because he kept talking and talking and talking. I had a nice evening, but overall I didn't feel like there was much for us to go off of. The connection just wasn't there. He walked me back to my place and along the way I got the sense he wanted to hold hands, so I just crossed my arms instead. Eh. After we said goodbye, I never heard from him again. And that was ok. But I did hear about him again.

So as you might recall, originally my mother was involved. And I didn't want her to be. I never told her that I went on a date with this guy, and after it didn't amount to anything, I didn't see any reason to say anything. Wellllllll, my family friend "Paul" decided to mention it to his mother, "Mrs. Marvel," or it just so happened to come up in passing. Well, his mother told my mother, and eventually it came full circle.

My mother felt the opportune time to discuss this was at brunch for Father's day. As we were discussing a completely different topic, she all of a sudden asked "Have you talked to "Paul," lately? When was the last time you spoke with him?"

Gulp. "Um... no, not recently... we were just talking about [whatever it was we were talking about]. What does this have to do with that?"

Mom: "Oh nothing. I was just wondering. So, Mrs. Marvel said that you messaged "Paul"."  Right then, our food came. I have never been so happy to see food in my life. The conversation ended. Thank you, Big Man Upstairs.

A month later..... my parents and I are at dinner, and again, my mother switches gears and brings up a new topic. She starts to go on and on how "Mrs. Marvel" told her about my date and everything she had heard about it. My mother then asks, "So do you still talk to this young man?"

Me: "No."
Mom: "Why?"
Me: "He never called me back."
Mom: "Did you not show enough interest?" (How motherly of her)
Me: "No, I just don't think there was enough chemistry."

The convo fizzled from there. I informed my mother that I go on lots of dates, I just don't tell her about them since they never amount to anything, and same went for Craft Beer guy. No sense in talking someone up who isn't going to stick around.

The second was different and unexpected. I went to a 4th of July party on the 3rd of July, because that makes sense (well, it does, because we had the 4th off, being a national holiday and all, so it's expected to go out the night before a day off). Anyways, I met a guy there. And he was quite awesome. We were chatting it up and he asked if I wanted to go on a walk right then. I said "Yes," and as we started down the drive way, our friends stopped us. We got held up in the driveway and eventually went inside to watch my friend's sky diving video. Then we continued to chat and he asked if I wanted to go for a walk again. I said yes, and again we got held up, but this time in the kitchen. Eventually it got late, so I decided to head out. I was bummed that I didn't exchange numbers with this guy, and thought about it the whole ride home.

When I got home, I decided to take some initiative. I found this guy on Facebook via the event invite list, and decided to message him. It went like this:

Me: "Just let me know if you ever want to go on that walk sometime!"
Him: "Haha, I do enjoy a nice walk."
Me: "Well, if the next time you'd like some company, just give me a call! 555-555-5555."
Him: "Sweet deal. You'll have my number soon. ;) "
Me: "Awesome! Can't wait! :) "

So a day passed, and one Monday night, I got a call from a number I didn't know. I typically don't answer numbers I don't know. But I do look up the number in case it's some telemarketer or such. Nada. But, I then noticed I had a voicemail! HE CALLED! I was ecstatic. When guys actually call, it is major points in my book.

I eventually called him back after being talked down by my girlfriend and got most of the nervous jitters out. He answered, and we started chatting away. It felt so natural and I had never felt more comfortable talking to someone before. We made plans to hang out that Wednesday. After my golf lesson (yes, I attempt to play golf), I gave him a call to see if we were still on. And we were! He suggested coming to his apartment to make omelettes. Now, I said yes, but was very guarded. I did not like that he suggested his apartment for a first date. But I decided to go with it just to see what happens. I got there, and we scrambled, we sliced, we diced, we sauted. It was probably one of the best dates I had been on. We then watched tv as we ate our delicious omelettes. Afterwards, we went on that walk, finally. It got late, and eventually I had to head home. It was really one of the best dates I had been on and with someone I felt so comfortable and like myself around.

A few days passed, and I hadn't heard from him. He mentioned he was going out of town for the weekend, so I figured I wouldn't hear from him and I didn't want to initiate anything myself. Eventually the weekend came to an end, and Monday came and went. Tuesday afternoon, I decided I'd give him a call. So much for not initiating. But I decided I'd give him a call, say I had fun hanging out last week, and would like to hang out again. If he didn't want to, that's ok. There would be my answer. So I called, and said just that; I had a nice time, would like to hang out again, and if not, that's fine. I had left this in a voice mail, and not more than 10 minutes later, he called back! He said he had been planning on calling me to hang out again (skeptical). We made plans to hang out again after my golf lesson that Wednesday.

I gave him a ring, and we decided to go play basketball at a nearby park. It was a ton of fun! If there is one thing I like doing, it's something interactive. We played basketball, then we tossed a Frisbee around until the sprinklers came on unexpectedly, and then hit some tennis balls. It was a ton of fun, but I did feel like something was slightly off. I disregarded it and told myself to just go with the flow. We went back to his apartment again, ate dessert and watched one of my favorite shows 'Modern Family." It was starting to get late and I thought that overall it had gone pretty well.

Then out of the blue, he says "So, I have some bad things to say." (Who says that, honestly?) And that's when I went into shock. He proceeds to go on saying that although he's enjoyed hanging out, he's not looking for a relationship, and the feelings of not wanting a relationship are still greater than feelings towards me. He starts on about his past relationships and how they were bad, and what he didn't like about them, etc. I'm sitting there, taking this all in. Finally, I pipe up and give him my two cents.... or ... maybe more. I told him I appreciated his honesty, however I felt like he was jumping the gun. We hung out twice. TWICE. Did I mention twice? And with this, I felt like he didn't give me a fair shot. Also, if he already felt this way before this date, then he shouldn't have returned my call and we shouldn't be sitting there on his couch. Overall, he pretty much wanted the benefits of a relationship without being in a relationship, if you get my drift. I told him HELL-TO-THE-NO, and that I wasn't the girl he's looking for currently. I also told him how I once was in a relationship that going into it had a definite end, and it ended badly. We both went into it not wanting anything serious, and it got seriously ugly. So I passed along my words of wisdom to this guy that he can't go into a relationship that has a definite end and think it will come out all rainbows and butterflies. It won't.

We left it as being friends and that I would call him to hang out.

I have not called him and don't plan to.

Update:"Tom"

Learned today that "Tom" is moving into my apartment building sometime this summer.

Yea. 

Guest Post: "Gary"

Hello all! I have a guest post for you all from my buddy "Gary." Enjoy!



If you ever had any questions about the gay dating scene in DC, rest assured it’s no different from the straight scene.  I recently went on, what I have no hesitation describing as, the worst date imaginable.  This was not a date where I look back and reflect on how terrible an evening it was.  No, I knew halfway through this was a disaster and I still had the second half to suffer through.

This was the second date with a guy named Nate, who I met on an online dating site.  Our first date had been sub-par, but I know first dates can be difficult so I decided to give it another shot.  Because the first date had been in my neck of the woods, we decided to meet downtown near his place.

I arrived downtown and was lucky to find parking on the street very quickly.  I gave him a call and let him know I had parked.  He said he was right around the corner and on his way.  Five minutes later, no Nate.  Ten minutes later, he texts me and says he is running a little late.  15 minutes later, no Nate.  Finally, after I had been standing on the street corner for 20 minutes, Nate shows up.  He had a bizarre excuse for being late.  He told me he accidentally sent a text to the wrong friend and that friend then became upset and a 20 minute text/call argument ensued.  

After waiting 20 minutes for him, we were finally on our way to the restaurant.  As we were walking, Nate mentions that the restaurant we are going to only accepts cash.  No surprise, Nate doesn’t have cash on him.  Not wanting to pick up his tab, I suggested we go to an ATM. Because he didn’t want to pay an ATM fee, he decides to go to the local grocery store 2 blocks down and get cash back.  As we were walking to the grocery store, he points out his apartment, which was 1 block from where I had been standing the previous 20 minutes.

When we arrived at the restaurant, cash in hand, we quickly got seated and ordered.  Throughout the entire dinner, our conversation was constantly interrupted with him continuing his text argument with his friend.  Personally, I believe that when out on a date, the phone is off limits, unless it’s important, in which case you apologize to your date.  I received no such apology.

As the dinner continued, the phone did eventually make it to his pocket.  We attempted to carry a conversation but it was going nowhere.  Fed up with the rudeness, and terrible conversation (I think he even started talking about a Law and Order episode) I tried giving him the verbal queues that I was ready to leave.  My “It’s getting late”, “I should be getting back” and “I don’t have much more time on my parking meter” were too subtle for Nate to pick up on.  Finally after the waiter mentioned that customers were waiting for a seat, we left the restaurant.  

As we walked back to my car I didn’t think the evening could get any worse.  I turned the corner and spotted the worst possible person in DC.  The devil’s own public servant.  A meter maid.  Walking away from my car.  The 20 minutes of waiting on the corner, the grocery store cash back, the long and pointless conversation had taken up the two hours I paid for on the meter. This date was going to cost me more than the $20 I spent on Italian food.




And there you have it, folks! Let's hope to hear more from "Gary"!

Scum

So it's been a while.... but here's a short story.

This past Friday evening, I went out with some friends to a  fine "Chinese" establishment (sarcasm) in the Northern Virginia area for some beers. While we were out and about, this VERY tall guy was standing next to me at the bar trying to order some drinks. As he was waiting, we started chatting and flirting and he seemed like a fairly nice, fun guy. After a little while, he asked for my number and I was like "Sure," and why the hell not? Let's see what happens. Well, fail number one: when he went to pull his phone out of his pocket, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter also fell out. Ew ew ew; no smoking, please. After he (I) put my number in his phone, I was beginning to realize how drunk this guy was; his speech was slightly slurred, wasn't making much sense and couldn't operate his phone. I realized that this wasn't going much further.

We continued talking/flirting and he put his hand out to see how it compared in size to mine; his were HUGE and mine seemed like the size of a 3 year-old's. It was actually kind of a turn off how tall he was because I myself am just barely 5'4" and he was literally a skyscraper in comparison. Anyways, when we were comparing hands, that is also when I noticed he had on a WEDDING RING. I don't know what possessed him, but he took off his ring and put it on my left ring finger, and held my hand up in the air. I proceeded to take it off and said "So, you're married?" and he said "Yes." I then proceeded to ask "So where is your wife, then?" in which he responded "Oh she's coming later. She's 1-1/2 months pregnant."

EXCUSE ME? What the HELL are you doing out at a bar, hitting on girls, getting their numbers, taking off your wedding ring and then proceeding to put it on these other girls' fingers while your PREGNANT WIFE is off on her own somewhere and completely unaware of your behavior? I understand "nights off" and going out with your friends and doing your own thing away from your spouse; breaks can be good, but hitting on girls when you're married and acting like this? This is unacceptable and speaks volumes about your character, or lack there of.

The next thing I know, his friend, who is about 4 feet away, says "Hey can I get a picture of you two?" I firmly say "NO" and proceed to turn around so my face is away from the camera. Both guys still try to get me to take a photo and I continue to say "Hell no, I'm not taking a photo with you." I realize this was some game they were playing and I wasn't going to have any part of it. Then, this guy tries to apologize, in which I say "If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done this in the first place." If he knows what he did was wrong, then he shouldn't have done so to begin with knowing it's not appropriate behavior. I proceed to ignore him and get back to talking with my friends.

Unbelievable.

Guest Post!

Folks, I've got a treat for you this Friday. A guest post. I've asked this guest, "Matilda" to share her experiences thus far and to begin with a correspondence she had with a young lad. And here it is folks:

Matilda: 

So this guy on [online dating site] that I use messaged me asking the usual A/S/L questions.  We chatted for a bit, I noticed that he was a few years younger but he pointed that out in one of his emails and said ‘I know I’m a bit younger, but I think I am very mature so give me a chance.’  (Just to clarify I’m 25, he was 22).  So we kept chatting, he seemed real nice and from his photos was very attractive.  A few correspondences later he suggested that we exchange numbers so that we could communicate more effectively since neither of us were on match ever day.  I agreed and we exchanged numbers.  A few days later he texts me.  

The conversation went a little something like this:

Romeo: Hey

Matilda: Hi, who is this? … (I forgot to save his number)

Romeo:  It’s Romeo

Matilda: Oh hey!  How’s it going?

Romeo:  Do you know who this is?  Romeo from [online dating site]?

Matilda:  Yes.

Romeo:  Hey would you mind sending me another picture?

Matilda:  Um… sure, hold on.

Matilda: *picture sent*

Romeo:  Is this a joke?

Matilda:  What?

Matilda: Are you talking about the picture?

Romeo: Lose my number.

…and the end.

Needless to say I thought it was quite comical, especially since he was the one who initiated contact.  I guess the lesson learned is not to date anyone younger than you if you are a woman, or if they are an “’attractive’ 22 year old, fresh out of college, and although young, very ‘mature’ for his age.” 

So there you have it; the first guest post from "Matilda." And I assure you, there will be more to come (hopefully), not only from Matilda but others as well! 

Ehhh and guest posts?

So, I have nothing to report on my end. Although my family friend said he'd pass on my number, I have never heard from his friend. So no craft beer for me.

On another note, I have some friends and acquaintances that have been on some awesome dates and/or had some great, and humorous, experiences. SO! I'm hoping to get some guest posts up on here soon! And I must say, they are pretty hilarious, in my opinion, and gutsy too! Hold tight and I hope to report back soon! Or well, someone will!

Craft Beer, Again.

Hello, again.

So I have another update.

After a little over a week, "Paul," the family friend, finally messaged me back to inform me he will be giving my number to his friend. He had nice things to say about his friend "Peter," and said if I had any questions to not hesitate to ask. It was a really pleasant message and kind of brightened my day! So for now, I wait.

I got this message while sitting in the movie theaters waiting for "Titanic" to begin; yes, I saw it once more in theaters to relive my preteen days, and it was just as good. I was excited in that moment when sitting in my popcorn-crusted seat, but then after the movie had ended, I didn't feel that same excitement as before, to be honest. Usually, I get rather excited about such things and for prolong periods of time (days, weeks, maybe months). I kind of am excited, but only slightly. I'm not sure what has gotten into me, but I'm not jumping up and down to see what adventure might unfold. I don't feel that same energy as before when it comes to dating. I just feel kind of blah.

In other news, I have my eye on another lad that I have met within recent weeks/month-ish. However, I decided I'm not going to blog about this one. I have my reasons and if something does come about, perhaps I may blog about it, but until then, I see no reason to get further into details.

I apologize for this awkward, sour-puss of a blog post. I guess it is a reflection of my current "I have no idea what I want in life," state of mind.

Craft Beer

Alright, so here's a better story.

One evening I am sitting on my couch, minding my own business, and I get a ring from the parents. Or maybe I called them, I can't remember. Anyways, my mother answers and she asks me what is new and such, and just small chit chat. However, I could tell there was something on her mind. And then... she spoke....

Mom: "Sooooo Mrs. "Marvel" came over to the house this past weekennnnd, and we were chattinnnng, and she asked if you were seeing anyone! I said 'She sees friends but I don't think she's seeing anyone!"

I said, ".............ok."

Mom: "Soooo she said that "Paul" has a friend who is looking to date! ("Paul" being Mrs. "Marvel's" son who is my age). She said that he's tried those online dating sites but nothing has worked out!"

Me: ".....................ok."

Mom: "Anyways, he's really into craft beer!................ So........"

Me:"............. I like beer."

Mom: "GREAT! I'll tell her you're interested!!!!!!!!!!"

Me:".................................."

Now, I wasn't sure what to think of this whole thing. Although a guy who likes craft beer is just utterly alluring, I wasn't sure how I felt about my mother being so involved.

Me;" Does this guy even have a name?"

Mom:"Oh I don't know, I don't remember. Umm..... uhhhh.... OH! It's uh, 'Peter,' that's it, it's 'Peter.'"

Me: "Um, 'Peter' what? Does this kid have a last name?"

Mom: "Oh I have no idea; I can't remember."

Dad from the depths of the background: "'Murphy!'"

Mom:"That's right! 'Murphy!'"

I'm thinking, how on earth did my father remember this kid's last name? What the hell is going on here? Anyways, we wrap up the conversation and I tell myself don't think anything of it unless my mother gives me a ring back.

A week later, while at work I notice that I get a call from "Home" on my cell phone, but don't answer since I am at work, and if it is an emergency, they know my work number where I'd be happy to answer. So I didn't think anything of it and continued on with my day. Later that evening, "Home" calls me again. It wasn't a good time for me to answer, but I called them back. My mother answered.....

Mom:"Soooo I spoke with Mrs. "Marvel" ............ and uh...... she suggested dinner on Sunday!"

Me:"............. huh?"

Mom: "Dinner on Sunday! What do you think?! Of course "Paul" would be there with his girlfriend."

Me: "Wait.... .......... So it would be me, you and dad, Mr. and Mrs. "Marvel," "Paul" and his girlfriend, and then this guy?"

Mom: "Well, yea, I assume so!"

Me:"...............................................no."

Mom: "Awwww really? Are you sure?"

Me:" Yea................. no."

A few minutes later...

Mom: "Well how are you supposed to meet this guy?!"

Me:"Mom, fate will figure it out."

Mom:"Oh ok."

I don't think I could think of a more mortifying experience of going on a BLIND DATE with MY PARENTS and another set of PARENTS to meet a family friend's friend. I mean, what the hell, why not invite "Peter's" parent's while we're at it?!

Here's a list of reasons I am opposed to this:
1. When I show up at the house, I guarantee my mother would say something along the lines of "You decided to wear that?"
2. Everyone will know why we are there; to set me up with my "future husband." (I'm positive that's how my mother sees it).
3. I won't be able to be myself around everyone.
4. Too much pressure to get to know this guy.
5. My mother would do all the talking and grill this guy to death about his family, where he's from, his education, his job, etc.
6. Too much of an opportunity to be utterly humiliated.
7. The most awkward goodbye ever.
8. My mother harassing me if I have heard from "Peter" and if we have a date planned and then how it went and such.
9. My mother being too involved in my love life for my own liking.
10. Me going insane.

I told a few folks about this situation and they were like "Do it for the blog!" And I responded with "Hell no." Although this blog could have used it, it was not worth it to me to go through all that, especially since I'm apathetic to dating at the moment.

However, I gave it more thought. And here's what I concluded: Mrs. "Marvel" and her family have been close to our family for over 20 years, and if she is willing to suggest a guy for me to my mother, this guy must be alright. I feel as if she wouldn't recommend just anyone of "Paul's" friends and mom's don't just suggest their son's friends to their friends with daughters (I think....).

After a few days, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I decided to message "Paul" on Facebook since we are "friends" on this site. I gave him my number and I told him that his friend can call me if he's up to it since Sunday dinner wasn't exactly my speed. I was very nervous about doing this, but I thought, "Eh, what the hell? Why not? Worst case scenario, I don't ever get a call." And I'm ok with that.

So far, I haven't heard anything. But when I do, I'll be sure to let you all know.

Updates

Several people have asked me what happened to this blog in the past 2 months.

Fine, here's an update.

"Tom" and I still keep in touch. I figure if he wants to see me or talk to me, he has my number and knows how to get in touch. However, I have come to the realization (honestly, although I want to deny it sometimes) that its not going to go anywhere between us. We're in two different places in our lives and want different things. Friendly is going to be where it stays.

Other than that, there has been nothing. I haven't met anyone since giving up online dating, and this is how it works in the real world. I don't have dates every couple of days or every week, and although I do get out there and very frequently, meeting people on your own is a lot harder. So because of that, there are long, LONG, LONG, periods of time where I don't meet anyone. Sorry, just how the game goes. 

In addition, I just don't have the desire to put forth any effort towards someone. Call me jaded, but I've gotten tired of it all and really don't see the point of putting in effort towards a situation that won't go anywhere. I'm exhausted and really don't want to focus any of my time or attention to dating since it doesn't ever seem to end well. 

However, they always say it finds you when you stop looking.

Two different situations. I'll share one here and do another post later. 

I went out for my friend's birthday to a local bar and had myself a pretty good time. It wasn't too crowded so we were all able to mingle and get to know one another. A few drinks later, I found myself chatting it up with this guy at the end of the night. He seemed nice, but I wasn't really 100% drawn to him. As we were heading out, he asked for my number, and I obliged, after he asked me about five times. As we are exchanging numbers, I asked what his name is, and then I asked again, and again, and again. I could not for the life of me remember his name until I went to enter it into my phone. We said goodbye and parted ways. 

The next day, I was looking at my call-log and noticed a missed call from "Aaron" from the night before when we exchanged numbers. I was like "Huh? Oh yea, that guy. Ehhhhhhhh." He just became an afterthought and that was about it. 

The day after that, I was snoooozing away in an afternoon nap when my phone started ringing. It was "Aaron." I was completely shocked while also being half asleep. After I finished my nap, I called my girlfriend to get the 411 on this guy since we had only spoken briefly and I wasn't in a state to really remember anything substantial, not even his name for Pete's sake (if only he were named Pete). I met up with my girlfriend to debrief and found not much other than his age, he has a job, and that he's nice. 

Well I've got news for you; everyone is nice. A few hours later, I suppose his buddy told him I was asking about him, so he texted me. We exchanged a few, and then after I left my friend's place, I gave him a call. Annnnnnnd that's where things were a little different. After only speaking for about 5-10 minutes I realized that this was not the guy for me. Although I really appreciate that he called me first rather than texting, big points in my book (or blog), he sounded like one of the dumbest people ever. Our conversation was lack luster and there was nothing substantial to it. He was talking about the most random things, probably because he was nervous, but still, it was going nowhere. I held out for a little longer until I reached my apartment and said I was going to lose service. So, I said I'd call him back. 

I wish I hadn't. It was another 30 minutes of lack luster conversation that wasn't leading to anything. I finally said "Ok, I have to get going so I can get ready for my week and for bed" (it being a Sunday and all). He said "Ok, call me any time you want." We said "Bye" and that was the end of it. 

Call him any time I want? Buddy, I don't want to call you, I want to see where this goes and actually meet up in person. If you want to talk to girls on the phone, there's plenty of other numbers that provides that service. 

After not being impressed, I decided I didn't want to pursue this any further. He, of course, felt otherwise. The next day he texted me, then called me, and then texted me saying he was going to bed soon. However, I was busy having dinner with an old friend and catching up after too many months passing. The next day, he texted again, 3-4 separate times, and the final text saying to call him that night because he "needs to ask me something." I had enough, and replied back by saying sorry, but I am not interested. It was nice to meet him, and best of luck.

So far..... I haven't heard anything. Terrific. 

It did, however, remind me of the times that I put forth effort into someone and the feelings weren't being reciprocated. Instead of ignoring him and having him continue to contact me, I just decided to nip it right then and there and just tell him how I feel. I felt as if I was polite about it and he got an answer, and we can both move on. If only it could go like this every time.... but it doesn't. And that's when I get to blog about it. 

Stay tuned..... 

Update

I know, it's been a while.

I don't have much to report.

To sum up ladies' night: it was alright. I learned I don't have the game I once used to have. But, I think this is because I am not in a place right now where I want to meet anyone new. Since I'm not interested in meeting new guys, it shows when I "attempt" to talk to them.

"Tom" has sporadically been in touch. It is really not much of anything to post about other than he reaches out to me once in a while. Since he's been slammed with work, we haven't hung out and that's alright with me. Why? Because I'm glad that nothing went any further since he's been so swamped with work. I was in a relationship in which the ex-boyfriend  had 4-6 week periods of non-stop work and I was unable to see him (I know that sounds a little sketchy, but trust me, it is not, I just don't feel like explaining the nature of it). "Tom" is currently too busy to devote any type of effort towards seeing someone (or effort towards me) and I don't want to be a last priority; no one should be a last priority. Like I've said before, timing is everything.

If anything arises, I'll keep you posted!

Ladies' night

Oh yes.... it's ladies' night. 

This little fishy is going out with her school of fine fishy lady friends this evening. 

Perhaps we may run into a school of fine men fish. 

We shall "sea" what's out there in the big blue. 

Lulls

So, later, I realized that yesterday's post might of been.... weird. 

I'm not sure I fully grasp what unrequited love is, but it seemed relevant to what's been on my mind lately. 

However, now that I am no longer on any online dating site, I've had a lot of questions and been thinking "Now what? What do I do now?"

I've wanted to take some time for myself and accomplish some goals of mine.

However, I've still haven't shaken the feeling of wanting to meet new guys and see what else is out there.

One of the reason's I've stopped online dating is because I noticed how much time, energy, and effort I was putting into it and not in other areas of my life. It hit me that I need to put that same amount of time, energy, and effort into achieving those life long goals that I've had and that I'll meet people along the way.

This experience has been an interesting one. 

I've really enjoyed using this blog as an outlet  for describing the highs and lows of my dates and exploring who's out there. 

However, posts like these about thoughts and questions are an example of a lull; a reflecting period when there are no guys present in my life. The first 25 posts or so were the recap of 3 months of online dating.

 It didn't all happen at one time and thank god it didn't; that would be exhausting. 

I just happened to write it all in a matter of a week when really it took weeks.

I know my posts have been farther and fewer in between one another in the past few months, but that is the nature of dating. 

I don't go on dates every day, let alone every week. They just happen when they happen. 

I'm sorry if these past few posts aren't stories and bore you, but this is the speed of which dating takes in my life. 

Sometimes there are one or two, maybe three, guys who I am chatting with or have dates lined up. 

And then there are periods where there are NONE. 

My point is, not every post is going to be about some amazing or horrible date, and they aren't going to happen once or more times a week. 

They happen when they happen. 

So until then, hold tight. You know I'll write about it when it does happen. 

Unrequited

This is something that's been on my mind the past few days, so this post is really a stream of my thoughts, opinions, and questions that keep boggling my mind as of lately. I've seen it not only in my current situation, but also in that of others.

It's unrequited love.

I think almost everyone can relate to unrequited love to some degree.
There is always that yearning after someone who has you so blindsided that you may miss out on other, great individuals.

It's that "I like him/her but he/she doesn't like me back" situation.

I've analyzed and over analyzed this situation for days, weeks, months, possibly years on end as to how to get out of this funk.
I have no real answer, thought, nor opinion other than: time.

Time..... apart.

That's all I got for you.

Time away from said individual seems to be the only medicine that has worked best for me.
When I am in this type of situation, when I cannot for the life of me get over someone, it usually takes me some time to come to the realization when my feelings aren't being reciprocated and then it takes even more time to understand the "Why not?". And during all this time, I try to separate myself from them so I don't have any temptations or reasons to go back to the individual.
It is a sucky period of time and one I wish I could shorten.

This kind of connects back to an earlier blog post about wanting to know "why?" someone never returned your text, call, message, etc. and why things didn't work out. I understand that I'll never know why he never called back, or whatever it is he did or didn't do. However.....

I want to know why it's so difficult to get over some individuals than it is others. 
Why do we hang onto something that isn't there?
Why do we have such strong feelings for certain individuals who can't give us back what we need?
Why do we drive ourselves crazy over one person?

I try to convince myself that it's all in my mind and spin it with "I deserve someone who will treat me better. I deserve someone who will give me what I expect and demand out of a relationship. I don't deserve to be treated like this by someone.... anyone."

To an extent, I believe this is true. However, I still feel as if it only masks my feelings rather than resolving the issue at hand.
It excuses that I feel a certain way about someone that I can't seem to cut out.

You can't help how you feel, especially when something feels "different."
There is that un-explainable feeling you have as to why it feels right to you and no matter how hard you try, you can't explain that feeling to others. Or, is it just that it's nice to have someone to think about? Are we only kidding ourselves by doing this?

Overall, what I have found works best for me is recognizing that you, yes you, deserve someone who reciprocates those same feelings back and you shouldn't waste you time on someone who can't give you those feelings back. And the only way I've learned to heal those wounds from this "individual" who has caused you all this grief, is to distance yourself and give yourself the time to heal. Step back and focus on you and what you want rather than someone who can't give you what you want and need.

That's my two cents... or sand dollars, rather.

Too Small of a World

It is a small world after all and we're stuck on this Disney ride for life. Damn it. 

So, I used to play dodgeball with a social league in DC. I took a break, and now I'm back. 

It's kind of awesome, I'm not going to lie. 

However, there are LOTS of people who do dodgeball, or one of their other sports they offer (volleyball and kickball).  

After reffing a game, the team headed to the bar as per usual. While sitting around, another group walks in; I happen to turn around. 

BAM! THERE HE IS! 

THE FICKLE PICKLE STRIKES AGAIN! 

I slightly panicked. I was like, "OH CRAP. TERRIFIC. JUST WHO I'D LIKE TO SEE."

I was all jittery inside and freaking out...... and for no good reason.

Then it hit me; I shouldn't be the one freaking out; HE SHOULD.

 He's the one who never called me back! 

He's the one who bailed! 

Not I!

Why was I so freaked out?! 

Anyways, I guess I'll be seeing the Fickle Pickle every Sunday around 5pm at the bar. 

Yaaaaaaaaay. 

(Insert lots of sarcasm)

A Break.

Hello, again.

So an update. 

I haven't heard from "New Guy" since Sunday. 

Maybe he could sense that I wasn't 100% in this, or maybe I'm not his type. 

It's alright, cause I'm thinking he might not be my type either. 

Although our date was enjoyable, I just didn't feel a spark. 

I tried my best to keep an open mind and not limit my options. 

Oh well, moving on.

"Tom" and I met up this week and chatted about things. We've decided to take a step back and just be friends. 

I do enjoy spending time with him, however, right now I don't think it is the best timing. 

I'm glad we can at least be friends but disappointed I won't get to see where this could have gone. 

He really is someone that I could really see myself with and I think is the type of person who really compliments me. 

I haven't been able to say that in a long time. 

Lesson Learned: Timing is everything. 

Dazed and Confused

I did it; I went on a date with the "New Guy" this past Friday, and let me tell you, I was very pleasantly surprised! But now a little confused with myself; I'll explain below.

I was nervous going into this date for many reasons, but did it to keep an open mind and not limit my options. We decided to meet at one of my favorite restaurants that I had already been to twice for dates. It was SUPER crowded when he got there and I was running REALLY LATE. I was trying to decide which route to take and I picked wrong. For those of you in the area, you are quite familiar with the HORRIBLE traffic that plagues the nation's capital. I decided to take I-66 West at 7pm on a Friday; the only smart decision in that is not taking it between 3:00pm - 6:00pm. Whatever time it may have been, I should have taken the back roads but I sure did not make that choice. I apologized a few times for my tardiness and tried my best to get there as fast as I could.

When I finally arrived, he had put his name down since there was a wait. I felt terrible; here I was, 15-20 minutes late, and on top of that there was a 30-40 minute wait at a crowded restaurant that I had picked out that he had never been to before. I sure made quite the first impression. We made small-talk and patiently waited till our buzzer went off. Finally, it did and we were whisked away to our table.

The restaurant we went to brews their own beer and so I was excited to show him through the menu. I just realized while typing that sentence that I kind of sound like a drunk. I swear I am not; I just really enjoy trying new beers and wine. Anyways, we ordered drinks and some food; that was a little bit awkward because I had suggested drinks at 7:30pm and thought that was clear enough, and late enough, that dinner wasn't going to be an option. Well, of course he hadn't eaten and ordered dinner and I awkwardly ate my pretzel bites.

We chatted away and overall I'd say it went really well! I was really surprised how well conversation seemed to flow at first and it was not what I was expecting. From what I remember, we talked about our hobbies and things we like to do in our free time. It was fun learning what each other's likes and dislikes are and really getting to know one another. Time really flew by because when I looked at my phone I had realized over two and a half hours had gone by!

Overall, I thought this guy was really nice and I did enjoy spending the evening with him. For some reason, I just don't have that spark quite yet and would be open to the idea of a second date with him to see what more may develop between us. We have texted back and forth some since our date, but a second date has not been set up yet. If he does ask, I'll say yes to give it another go. Keeping my options open here.

Although it may be too early to get to this point, I have been thinking a lot about the pros and cons to both "New Guy" and "Tom." There are things I really like about both of them and then there are things that I'm not quite as thrilled about. This is the part that is beginning to get me really confused. I know I don't have to make a decision between the two of them right now, but it is definitely in the back of my head and something that I'm concerned with that may develop into that situation down the line. We'll see; can't worry about something that hasn't happened or exists.

Until then.... swim on.

Awkward.

Updaaate.

So, last night "Tom" contacted me to grab some drinks and dinner, and I obliged. 

We had a great time and I really do enjoy his company. 

I'm just really unsure where things are going, so for now just taking it one day at a time. 

I still have a date tonight, but feel awkward about having dinner with "Tom" last night and then getting drinks with a new guy tonight. Although I know I should keep my options open, I'm just unsure myself as to what I'm really looking for at the moment, if anything at all. 

Awkwaaard. 

New Year, New Guy

Hello!!!!

I'm here to confirm that I will be having a date tomorrow evening! 

It is with the guy who I feel like our communication has been sparse. 

I'm hoping this fish gets blown out of the water, because I'm honestly not really excited about it, but maybe because I have other things on my mind. 

But, I'm trying to keep an open mind and at least give it a shot. 

It's drinks; if there is one thing this fish likes to do, it's drinking. I mean, I am a fish after all... right? 

Kawabunga, dude!

And a Happy New Year it was!

First off, Happy New Year!!!

I hope you all had a great evening and celebrated it with great friends and family! 

Now for an update.

Lets see.... 

"Dude," who I still haven't met, texted me happy new years earlier in the evening. I was a bit surprised since I haven't heard from him in almost two weeks. I don't really understand the allure of texting with someone who you haven't met nor do you even talk on a regular basis that you have zero idea if there is any potential. I guess I'm a good texter? I might just be blunt with him and say "Hey, we've never met and have been talking for over a month. Do you want to set something up? Otherwise, I don't understand where this is going." Or.... well something to that effect. I don't want to feel like I'm being jerked around and I really don't see the allure of just texting with it not going anywhere. I mean, the point of these DATING sites is to meet people to DATE, right? So.... don't text me.... take me on a date. Let's see what happens. Good grief, this is exhausting. 

Again with the jerking around, I haven't heard from "New Guy" yet about setting something up for this week. I am not pumped up yet about this guy since his messages have been sparse. I'm kind of like "Why are you interested in me in the first place? We haven't even gotten to know one another! I know nothing about you and vice versa!" So, we'll see if anything happens, but I'm not holding my breath for now.

Ok, the juicy part. 
"Tom" is back in the picture. Since he was so adamant about hanging out this past week, I decided to ask him to the party I went to for New Year's Eve. He said "alright" and I gave him the details. I didn't hear much from him on the day of and felt like things were still sporadic between us; just no consistency. I got ready for the party and headed over with some friends and tried to not pay any attention to the fact that I hadn't heard from him. While enjoying myself with my friends and making new ones, I got a phone call from him! I had just missed it, so called right back. He answered and asked if he could still stop by; and I said of course! He said he'd be right over and he was. I was honestly really surprised and nervous and excited and everything all at the same time. I met him outside and we hugged hello before making our way inside. I felt like it was a little awkward because he knew very few people and we were just starting to hang out again, so I felt like there was and is some awkward tension.

Before he arrived, I wasn't sure if he wanted to be just friends or maybe something more. Well I eventually got my answer. At one point, I was catching up with an acquaintance from my dodgeball team who I hadn't seen in a while and learned that he and some other fellow dodgeballers have been reading my blog. (Hello Dodgeballers!) This meant that "Tom" was off on his own for a wee bit braving the party alone. Well, eventually it was narrowing down to midnight, so I decided to make sure "Tom" had some champagne. I noticed that something seemed off with him and I asked if he were alright; he said yes. The countdown arrived and I wasn't quite sure if he and I were going to exchange a kiss at midnight. So with an awkward moment, I turned around and hugged my friends first and then turned back to him. There was another awkward moment, but then he leaned in and it was quite clear; a kiss was in order. I smiled, gave him a peck, and said "Is that what you wanted?" He smiled and I was quite please that this is how I brought in the new year.

We eventually made way to the couch and decided to sit for a while. We chatted some, and at some point he expressed that he was a bit "jealous" that I was chatting it up with an old dodgeball teammate of mine. I assured him that he was a friend and we were catching up. I'll be honest in that I was a bit pleased to hear this because I felt like it gave me a sign that he's actually interested in me and did mind that I was out there talking to other guys. While sitting on the couch, we talked some, actually a lot, about "us," however at one point he was getting ahead of himself and I had to step in to let him know that he was doing so. I simply put that I enjoy spending time with him and right now there isn't anyone else in the picture; it's really just that. Although I am "talking" with a few guys, I have not had any dates since seeing him last nor have I met any of the guys I've been talking to. Also, I don't have very much interest in getting to know them since they haven't made an effort to see me; that doesn't exactly scream "I'm so interested in you!" by ignoring me half the time.

What I do know right now is that I like being around him and he makes me happy. I've never felt this comfortable around someone until he came along and I am really enjoying what time we do spend together. However, I'm not sure where this is going, nor am I certain that I want to pursue more if he's going to be wishy-washy with his behavior towards me. I just want to enjoy now and live in the moment; just see what develops and cross that bridge when we get there. He asked me to be honest with him and if I have anything on my mind to just speak it, so I will hold him to that in the future.

Overall, it was a terrific way to ring in the new year and I don't think I would have changed a thing.
Here's to new beginnings.